You talking to me? Are YOU talking to ME?!

Well, of COURSE I am, ya big silly! It is, after all, time for the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three--“I Wanna Be In Pictures” Edition!

The questions this week were provided for your enjoyment by New York’s own Skinnydan the Skinnyblog Writer, and for a refreshing change have nothing to do with pork and/or pork by-products, nor with explosives, nor with dirt!

Unless you really want them to.

IN ANY EVENT, answer the following questions about the grand art form of The Cinema--leave your answers in the comments below, or leave a link to your blog entry containing the answers. As always, anyone can play along. Any similarity between this Thursday Three and any other meme or spectacular online event, or to any actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Now then--

QUIET!

ROLL!

MARK!

ACTION!

1) Name three movies you could not live without on a desert island

2) What movie have you fallen asleep in the middle of/asked for your money back/thrown up while watching?

3) Who would play you and your significant other in the movie of your life?

CUT!!

Okay, print that and let’s see what we have.

As for mine:

1) Three movies, eh? Well, if there’s a DVD player and electricity, it can’t be too deserted (unless it’s Gilligan’s Island, I suppose) but anyway, discounting all those niggling details, I figure it would probably be good to have a comedy, an action flick, and a drama/musical, just for the sake of “variety.” Comedy--Monty Python and the Holy Grail; action-- Star Wars; and dramusical--The Sound of Music.

Boy, I sure hope I get rescued soon.

2) It’s rare for me to fall asleep in a movie--I figure if I’m a’paying, I’m gonna get my money’s worth. Alas, at least two times in my past has my fatigue overtaken my parsimonious nature--the Mel Gibson/Franco Zeffirelli version of Hamlet, and Russia House. I have never walked out on (or threw up in) a movie, because I am usually pretty careful to not go and see anything I have even the slightest suspicion might be not worth seeing. Although I must say in fairness that had I not slept through Russia House, I might have walked out.

Finally, the big show! 3) Well, obviously the movie of my life would be quite a production, in the heartwarmingly screwball family musical noir dramedy genre.

Right off the bat, I have to say that Hollywood just doesn’t do this sort of show anymore--I keep thinking of something along the lines of Brian Keith and Maureen O’Hara in Parent Trap, or maybe even Jackie Gleason and Audrey Meadows in The Honeymooners.

Starting with casting for me (it being all about me, you know) is big problem. Finding an actor who’s a big guy, yet athletic enough not to be clumsy and dumpy-looking when he moves is increasingly difficult given all the priority to being thin. It would need to be someone with a touch for light comedy, yet pathos when the scene calls for it. And an adult. The big problem is that the obvious choices for this role are no longer working--Dan “Hoss Cartwright” Blocker would be my absolute first choice, and to a lesser extent, a young Raymond “Perry Mason” Burr. Obviously, you don’t think of Burr being able to bring the funny when it counts, but he does sort of have my husky, masculine look.

Of the living, there is John Goodman, who turns 53 in June. An okay choice, but a bit older than me. Still, he has impeccable comic timing, and is not a plodding buffoon.

Of the younger set, I think Mad TV’s Frank Caliendo (nice shorts, by the way), turning 31 in a few days, would be a good choice--funny, smart, large. Possibly not enough gravitas when needed, since he’s just a punk kid, but that could be helped with some helpful tips from me while we’re on the set, or maybe snacking over at the craft services table

NOW THEN--the really important role: that of the lovely and longsuffering Miss Reba. This is one of those that really would require a special touch--serious, yet warm; comedic, but not flighty or silly. But even more importantly, I think it necessary to start by going for The Look--a square-jawed, dark-eyed, widely-set high-cheekboned mien; yet, one with a certain soft womanliness.

Again, the first choice would be someone of the old school, such as the aforementioned young Maureen O’Hara, but there are quite a few who might fit the bill, some very much older, some younger than her approaching 45th birthday. (She’s proud of her age, so don’t worry about me saying it.)

Of the stars listed, I’m not making any judgments on their acting skills, although I think most of them could fill this role. Nor am I too worried about how flaky they might be in real life--I’m not the one going to have to work opposite them, after all. (Unless it's someone I really like, and then I might have to insist on starring as myself.)

So then, of the ‘younger-than’ crowd, there’s Tiffani Thiessen (31 at the end of January), who might be a little too cutesy; and then Elizabeth Mitchell (35 in March) who played the girlfriend/wife on Santa Clause 2; Lisa Edelstein (38 in May) who is on that new doctors-in-conflict show House on Fox--she’s nice; Courtney Thorne-Smith (38 in November) BUT ONLY the younger pre-Ally McBeal version before she became an anorexic blonde.

Moving on up to the ‘just-about-the-same-age’ bracket, I think we just have to get Mariska Hargitay (41 in January) read for us. She doesn’t get to do much comedy on L&O-SVU, but on the talk shows I’ve seen her on, she seems like a real hoot. Then there’s Valerie Bertinelli (45 in April), whom I still have naughty thoughts about, ever since she was on One Day at a Time; whacko archeress Geena Davis (49 at the end of this month)--I go back and forth on her--she’s looking a bit on the “needs a cheeseburger” side, and there is the aforementioned oddness of character. But she does have a great jaw and cheekbones. Of like jaw- and cheekiness, there’s Linda Hamilton (49 in September). But again, I think I’m going to have to insist on the soft, squishy version before she got all buffed and ripped for Terminator 2.

Finally, of the ‘older-but-still-got-The-Look’ group, I think Sigourney Weaver (56 in October) has the look, although she sometimes comes across as offputting and icy. Good comic actress, though, which people sometimes forget.

And then, the big two, so to speak, Ann-Margret (64 in April) and Raquel Welch (65 in September). And, believe it or not, it’s not for their rather obvious and prodigious physical assets. (Miss Reba's not built like that, anyway.) They both have those good face bones, and they have just physically held up preternaturally well to the effects of time and life's turmoil, which seems to be how Miss Reba’s doing. Despite the burden of matrimony to me, she looks as good (or better) now as she did twenty years ago. And, of course, I don’t. Grr.

Anyway, Possumblog--The Movie should be quite the exciting romp when it does finally hit the theaters.
posted by Terry at 8:00:00 AM