Desperate Housewife

I got an interesting note yesterday from a young lady I know:

I thought of you yesterday as I was stumbling bleary-eyed through the post office parking lot with three kids in tow -- not because I have a possum fixation, although after telling my husband the fourth or fifth thing of the day that amused me on your blog, he might beg to differ,

Good grief, 'bleary-eyed,' indeed, if she found four or five humorous things! And for what it's worth, possum fixations are perfectly normal. Really.

but ANYWAY -- there was a pick-up in the parking lot that had a "War Eagle" sticker on the back. Which made me ponder, at least the thought flitted around my head doing a tap dance on anything left in there, why Auburn has war eagles. Why not just eagles? Why not something peaceful like doves? Why not "War Hawks"? Although I could probably use Google to find the real answer, I think your answer would be much more interesting. Assuming, of course, that you don't just use Google to give me the real answer and not provide me with the entertainment I so desperately seek.

An excellent set of questions! And as you all know, I am nothing if not willing to help desperate entertainment seekers.

Basically, it is all part of the plan to confuse our foes. As unexpected as the Spanish Inquisition, we use is along with fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency, to cloud their minds and cause fumbles.

"War Eagle" is actually not the Auburn mascot, however; it is our battle cry--Tigers is our actual team name, facts which are amply and mind-numblingly explained here. This serves to allow us to take TWO of the most popular images for college teams--eagles and tigers--and claim BOTH. That way we can get double the allegorical power!

To answer our patiently desperate ponderer, though, in order:

Why not just eagles?

Because there's so stinkin' many just-plain-eagles. To stand out from all the other ones, you have to have a modifier of some sort, preferably something scary that will make opponents wet their diapers. "War" does that pretty good, even more so when 86,000 people are screaming it before they say "eagle."

Why not something peaceful like doves?

Because there is more to football than the peaceful feeling one gets from smashing guys in the face.

Why not "War Hawks"?

Hmmm--that might work. I'd love to see one of these swoop down over the field before kickoff. Even better if it was flown by this guy.

NOW THEN--on to the Countdown to SEC Glory!

Tomorrow the completely undefeated Tigers are taking on the South-Beach-pastel-orange-tinged (not that there's anything wrong with that) Volunteers of Tennessee, who have managed to struggle up to a 9-2 season and the SEC East Division title.

One of those two losses was earlier in the year to the Plainsmen (yet another nickname to confuse and distract opponents!), who did a pretty workmanlike job of taking the Rocky Toppers to the woodshed. Right there in General Neyland Stadium. Of course, the Vol players discounted the performance, saying Auburn really wasn't so good. (A tip the Democrats learned this year--if you get beat by a stupid ignmoranimus, what exactly does that make YOU?)

But, obviously, you don't get far in the SEC without being good, and despite Tennessee's injury problems at QB this year, and the difficulty they had with Kentucky last weekend and Vandy the week before, and the erratic behavior of phiesty Phat Phil Phulmer, they still have a potency about them that Auburn dare not discount. Tennessee will probably be coming after them hard on run defense, because they saw Alabama's success with the same tactic two weeks ago. And Tennessee has some depth that Bama didn't have, so hoping to wait until the second half to play isn't going to work. Auburn might be favored, but they are going to have to play exceedingly mistake- and penalty-free ball to do well. (Penalties especially, given the way they have been being doled out by the officiating crews this year.) And if they want to move up for a possible shot at #1, they are going to have to play very well. Something along the line of a 114 to minus-9 score is going to have to be run up to get anyone with a vote to pay attention.

Anyway, as with all the other games this year, it promises to be a real whim-doozie. 5:00 Central time, once more on the execrably craptacular Columbia Broadcast System.

(By the way, the orange color of the Vols was derived from "the common American daisy which grew in profusion on The Hill." Awwww, how sweet.)
posted by Terry at 12:40:00 PM