I'm From the Government, and I'm Here to Help.

And for once, that headline doesn't apply to me--at least not in the conventional sense. I mean, I am from the government, and I am here to help, and, in fact, did help ever so much at my meeting this morning, but it actually refers to an e-mail that was passed along to my by a secretive, shadowy man who works in a highly scientifical sort of place. I will use his top-secret code name, "Steevil". (For what it's worth, he also gave me this cool hat that I keep in my briefcase.)

Steevil forwarded to me a nice and informative circular sent out to all of the other secret employee guys and secret contractors where he works discussing the dangers of Deep Vein Thrombosis. See, these folks occasionally have to fly around in airplanes, and their health person just wanted to make sure everyone was up to speed on the dangers--as it says in the memo:

Foreign Travel Health Alert:

Deep Vein Thrombosis and "Economy Class Syndrome"

The Office of [Large Secret Organization's Doctory Sorts of People] strongly urges employees to review the causes, symptoms and preventive measures associated with deep vein thrombosis (DVT) to ensure their health and safety when traveling for long distances.

DVT has been nicknamed Economy Class Syndrome because of its incidence in passengers flying in cramped seating conditions in aircraft for long periods of time. In past years, there have been incidents of [Large Secret Organization] employees on overseas travel requiring hospitalization for treatment of DVT.

DVT is the result of blood clotting in the body's deep veins (i.e., particularly in the legs and pelvis), with the clot sometimes breaking off, traveling through the bloodstream and then obstructing a vessel in the lungs. This condition is known as a pulmonary embolism and can sometimes result in death. Movement of legs (walking around or exercising in seat) promotes blood circulation and the prevention of a potential clot.

Actually, very good advice all the way through, and the memo ended with a couple of Internet links on the topic. Large Secret Organizations can lose lots of productivity and stuff when their Secret Guys keel over from entirely preventable causes.

HOWEVER, even Secret Guys are not immune to milking a situation a bit more than is strictly required by circumstances. As witnessed by a SECOND memo that went out the next day:

Clarification of Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) Notice

The special notice on Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) distributed to [Big Secret Organization's] employees on Aug. 23 has generated much interest among the [Big Secret Organization] community.

The Office of the [Large Secret Organization's Doctory Sorts of People] would like to clarify that this information was intended as a medical alert so that our employees can take appropriate measures when traveling long distances. It was published as a matter of health interest, not as a policy change.

Policy change?! "Why, whatever could THAT mean," you might ask. Last line of the memo:

The information guides travelers on how to avoid a potential DVT and does not reflect any policy change for international travelers to upgrade flying status from coach to business or first class.

Heh. Sneaky Secret Guys!
posted by Terry at 10:10:00 AM