A valid question

I realize I haven't begun to bore you yet with the mind-numbing recitation of my weekend, but things keep coming up that must be addressed. Such as this inquiry I just received from a visitor to Possumblog: what to do when people make fun of your southern accent.

Yes, it is a particularly bothersome thing about having a Southern accent--people who pride themselves on their inclusiveness and tolerance and multiculturality and benevolence and intelligence and ability to make large papier mache puppets and sensitivity also seem to take great pride in demeaning those of us who might speak a bit more slowly and drop our 'g's.

Personally, I have not been the victim of these people--since I have to use the telephone and occasionally talk to folks across the country about stuff, I have developed a phone voice that adds some of those 'g's back in and uses complete sentences and things. This allows me, for short durations at least, to converse with outsiders (i.e., my betters) without bringing out their horrid tendencies toward mockery and ridicule.

But, obviously, not everyone is able to avoid the reproach and indignity that can be heaped upon you, sometimes for saying something so simple as the word "tump." The hurt and shame burn white hot, yet you somehow feel powerless to react.

First, let me just say that your first inclination to punch the person in the mouth is WRONG. Punching someone in the face means you're off-balance, and you can break your hand if you punch the person in the jaw, and the other person usually can see it coming and dodge or duck. Much better is to punch the person in the stomach, right below the sternum. It's nice and soft there, and quite incapacitating, and you are better able to keep both feet firmly planted to maintain your balance.

Second, be sure to apologize, because you always want people to think of the South as a friendly and courteous place where manners still count for something.

We here at Possumblog hope this helps you in your quest to be better accepted by others, as well as provide you an effective means of dealing with those whose ignorance is getting on you.


[LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Possumblog reminds you that in some municipalities and jurisdictions these recommendations might be illegal. Be sure to check your local ordinances.]
posted by Terry at 10:19:00 AM