Meeting Hints

Well, first of all, if you decide you're hungry it's probably better not to stop at Sonic on the way to your meeting and get one of their new Steak, Egg, and Cheese breakfast burritos. Despite the fact that they are hot, and wonderfully tasty, they also contain grilled onions. Grilled onions smell really nice when you catch a whiff of them outside at a ballpark or fairground. HOWEVER, after consumption, and when the consumer is later required to stay in a smallish room with other humans the grilled onion aroma, which now clings to his clothing and hair and especially his inner mouth region, becomes rather offensive, smelling much like a weird locker room odor. And bumming a Hall's cough drop from a co-worker doesn't really help that much.

Actually, not any.

So, my apologies to anyone who had to be within fifty feet of me. And apologies for smelling like fifty feet.

SECOND, if you DO decide life cannot be lived without first stopping at Sonic and loading up on salt, fat, and starch, it might be good to be a less-than-messy eater. Especially if you have on a nice light blue dress shirt. Because gravity, as we all know by now, is a particularly stern taskmaster, notably when it comes to the various liquids, gravies and/or sauces contained within Sonic Steak, Egg, and Cheese breakfast burritos. OH, you might think that having a tie across your middle chest and abdominal region and a light jacket wrapped around you might be a large enough safety net to keep fluidic contamination from soiling your nice light blue dress shirt, but you would be wrong.

THIRD, if you still feel somehow compelled to break the above two rules, it would behoove you to first check the condition of your clothing prior to walking around where polite society can see the results of your earlier run-in with the law of gravity. A large, slightly brown, greasy stain just below your right pectoralis major on your nice light blue dress shirt does not tend to make you appear to be a professional person, nor does suddenly realizing you have said stain, and running to the restroom to fruitlessly dash water on it. In such an instance, it is probably better to conceal the stain underneath the lapel of your grilled-onion-stench-infused jacket.

LUCKILY FOR ME, even though the small tube of toothpaste I keep in my desk drawer is empty and my oral cavity still smells like Osama's hideout, I at least have a large box of Stanback powdered analgesic. For you see, the best way to remove a grease stain is to place a small amount of absorbent powder, such as talcum, corn starch, or 882mg of aspirin and caffeine, onto the spot and gently rub it until the grease is absorbed, then brush away the powder. Sure, it might look like you spilled cocaine all over your shirt, but that's okay. You know you didn't.

Now, having dispensed with all of that, I have some intense typing to do to in order to get ahead a bit on my meeting minutes. I will probably ramble back through this afternoon, though, although I will still smell oniony fresh. You might wish to open a window.
posted by Terry at 10:54:00 AM