Arn Bole

Well, it's that time of year again. The annual rite of late November, in which the state's two football powerhouses ::cough::snicker::cough:: meet up to claim braggin' rights for the next 365 days.

That's right--the world renowned IRON BOWL LXVIII, pitting the Tigers of Auburn U. (6-5) against the Toxic Algal Bloom of the U. of Alabama (4-7).

Some years, the contest might decide a national champion; others, maybe only a conference champion; still others, a prime bowl bid.

This year?

No championships--one's not eligible, and neither has been able to put Ws on the board with any consistency. Bowls? Again, one's not eligible, and the other will probably be heading out to East Bee Eff to play in the Tampax/Jimmy's Auto Parts/Food 'n' Gas Val-U Convenience Store Bowl.

In other words, this will be THE GREATEST SPORTING EVENT OF ALL TIME!!

Not really. But I imagine there will be a few folks who get worked up about it, giving the rest of us who take our football seriously (but not THAT seriously) someone to chuckle at.

As for the game outcome, being that it's at Jordan-Hare, it should be easier for Auburn to round up the offense and get them to the stadium. If they do show up, look for a pretty good blowout.

Bama can play--witness their game against the Razorbacks from earlier in the year--and there is bound to be some emotional need to pull a victory out of the bag to make the off-season a bit more bearable, but if Auburn comes in firing on all cylinders, the Tiders are going to be at a disadvantage.

One bright spot is that they DO have individual pictures of their cheerleaders and cabaret performers and Swedish golfers, although this has not seemed to help them as much this year as one would have figured.

Now, I would be remiss if I did not point out that this little bit of gamesmanship has given rise to one of the largest industries in the state of Alabama, namely, the writing of Auburn-Alabama jokes. Even al.com has its own section full of them, like this one:

An Alabama fan walks into a travel agancy in response to an ad about free river cruises. As the man described why he was there to the lady behind the desk, the woman hit a button, two men spring up behind the guy, beat him up, take his wallet , stuff him into a sack, and throw him out back into the river. A few moments later an Auburn fan walks in and also begins to speak when the woman hits the same button. The two men spring out, beat him up, stuff him in a sack, steal his wallet, and throw him out back into the river. A few miles down river the Alabama fan and the Auburn fan catch up to one another and the Auburn fan says, "I wonder if they serve dinner on this cruise?" The Alabama fan replies,"They didn't last year."

OKAY, okay--in the spirit of fair play and equal time, here's another one:

An Alabama and an Auburn cheerleader were each late for breakfast at cheerleading camp so they had to eat cereal instead of a hot breakfast. The Alabama cheerleader fixed her bowl of Cheerios and went to sit at a nearby table. The Auburn cheerleader picked up the box and started to pour herself some, but suddenly stopped with a dumb look on her face. The Alabama cheerleader asked her what was wrong, to which the Auburn cheerleader replied, "Nothing. I've just never seen doughnut seeds before!"

Okay now, down to business--the prediction of the EXACT score of the contest, which, by dint of the huge string of successful calls this year, you all have come to expect with great anticipation.

Seeing as how this is such an important game, I will be taking the unprecedented step of contacting a special, double-secret, mystery prognosticator for his or her prediction! First, though, I have to figure out someone to ask who won't think I'm some kind of lunatic or something, which might take a while. In any case, once I have made contact and have an answer, I will post it for all the world ("world" in this instance being a rather limited concept) to see.

Stay tuned!
posted by Terry at 10:45:00 AM