Welcome to the latest installment of Survivor: Troy, Mich., as the new owners of the freshly solvent Kmart try to keep their company alive with a large dose of advertising.

Of course, Kmart's problems, historically, have had almost nothing to do with advertising and almost everything to do with not being able to compete with Wal-Mart. Let's just say that that condition is still critical. So this advertising isn't being introduced as a cure so much as for its narcotic value -- starting with a really upbeat R&B rendition of the new slogan: "Right here, right now!"

No kidding?! So what?! [...]

The message is that Kmart is no longer utterly devoid of fashion sense. This is communicated by the soulful sloganeering and video of extremely cool-looking New Yorkers grinningly outfitting their cool bodies and cool cribs with Kmart merchandise. So turned on are they by the Kmart experience that they spontaneously blurt out, "It's in the K!"

This is where the ads run into some little problems, much in the way Martha herself has run into some little problems. (By the way, is she saying "It's in the K?" or -- what it sounds like -- "in the cake?" Is she speaking of surprisingly hip merchandise or a contraband metal file for sawing through iron bars?)

Anyway, the point is, what's "in the K" is still mainly one employee per hectare, a lot of downscale shoppers and lots of clothing produced in places where you need a shot in the arm not for stimulation but to ward off cholera. [...]