Game 9

Well, after getting our tails mashed in the screen door last weekend by a better team of Tigers (actually, more like we held our OWN tails in the screen door and repeatedly slammed it), this weekend it’s time to bring in yet another team from the Sportsman’s Paradise and try to avenge our wounded pride.

This week’s spine-tingler places the Plainsmen (5-3 overall, 4-1 SEC) up against the Indians of Ouachita Parish Junior College, now known more formally as the University of Louisiana-Monroe (1-7). As always, a team has been scheduled for our Homecoming game which is…well, ummm…let’s just say it ain’t like playing Oklahoma.

Coach has been talking a good talk about preparing for the Indians, but when you consider that the game day notes have not been updated since the LSU game (I finally found it here, but only after searching through the root directory for it), you kind of get the idea that the players and staff might be looking ahead a bit on the schedule. After UL-M, the Tigers play SEC West leaders Ole Miss, then travel to Athens to meet another bunch of Bulldogs, then the regular season closer against those rascally Red and Whites.

BUT, to ignore the opponent of the week in favor of the ones coming up can invite disaster. Frankly, in the games the Tigers have lost this year, they have been played at a level of play where they could be whipped by a motivated high school team. The Indians really have nothing to lose, and so might decide that they can pull the turf out from under the Auburn crew.

Sadly though, it seems the Indians may even be afflicted with ennui themselves, because in the one true measure of football efficacy, the cheerleading squad, they have ZERO photographs. Not a single one, anywhere. Oh, they DO have cheerleaders, but have not taken the effort required to post even a tiny group shot. Hmph! Truly a sad state of affairs.

Of course, not quite so sad as the status of Possumblog Sports Center’s Chief Statistician, Ipsa Dixie. After last week’s stunningly inaccurate prediction of the outcome of the game against the Bengal Tigers, Ipsa, sadly, resigned. The rest of the guys in the Sports Center blame me, of course, but we have standards to uphold, you know. (And we have a fresh scratch keyed down the side of the Weevil Sports Van.)

Given this turn of events, I have asked the lovely Nikki Preede, local Fox television reporter, to assist us in this important effort to give YOU the information you need.

I have just now scribbled a memo to her begging her favor, given it to trusty Chet the E-mail Boy, and now am able to report that Miss Nikki’s response is…


Well, she hasn’t gotten back to me yet. But when she does, YOU will be the first ones to know!

UPDATE: Success!! Miss Preede just sent this, which Chet breathlessly handed me:

I have to consult with my head prophet, “Booger.” That would be the impartial (even hails from Switzerland) puppy, appropriately colored black and white to emphasize his non-partiality. Let me call him...leave him a message on the answering machine... he won't answer while home alone—he has flashbacks to his days working for Ms.Cleo. (She is worse than Kathy Lee. Slavedriver.)

After an appropriate period of in-person consultation with Booger, Nikki sent along the requested prediction:

Tell everyone that Booger ate 48 dog biscuits... then threw them back up... so 48-0.

So there you have it, straight from the dog’s mouth. Auburn 48 – ULM 0.

Yuck.
posted by Terry at 3:47:00 PM