You know what this old world needs?

Why, it needs another member in the quaint and provocative Alabama Cottonseed Spitting and Blogging Society, better known to most as the fearsome Axis of Weevil!!

The other day a nice young lady left a comment or three down the page a ways, and intrigued by her sudden appearance here at the gaudily palatial AoW World Headquarters, I immediately had her shadowed and surveilled and stalked to find out more about her.

It turns out that Miss Meredith is not only an Alabama dweller, but she does this dwelling down at good old Alabama Polytechnic, where, in addition to writing about Thunder and Sunshine, she also goes to school doing some kind of artsy-fartsy sort of stuff (she says it’s technically called “pre-graphic design” which sound made-up to me, but hey). She’s a sophomore, and endeared herself to everyone in the office by admitting that Physics I is not easy.

She said she found herself here after a bout of Xtreem Googling (a likely story) and actually liked reading the material herein. Since suffering from poor taste (or head trauma) is not a disqualifier for inclusion in the Yellowhammer Calling Society, and seeing as how she filled out the entire Axis of Weevil Application by silkscreening it onto the side of a tractor in a sort of Mondrianesque pattern and driving it in large circles out in the front yard, and seeing as how Biggin Hall needs some weevils, it just seems that the time is ripe…

THEREFORE, by the power vested in me by the fact that I have one of the original seats from the old Tiger Theater, IT IS WITH GREAT FANFARE that we, the Alabama Computer Keyboard Collecting Society do hereby induct, invocate, and plunge one Meredith Mizell into the odd and frightening Axis of Weevil, with all of the rights, benefits, obligations, and constipation devolving thereto.

CONGRATULATIONS, Miss Meredith—but wait! As with all new members, you too will receive the World Famous Axis of Weevil Gift Pack containing a slab of Dreamland ribs, a gallon jug of Milo's sweet tea; a G-Lox Wedgee gun rack from Mark's Outdoor Sports for your pickup truck (which is actually her dad’s farm truck, but that’s close enough), a package of Bubba's Beef Jerky (according to Dr. Weevil, this is homemade and is available only at the gas station at the end of Highway 82 in Bibb County); a three piece, 24 ounce box of Priester's Pecan Logs; a box of Jim Dandy grits; a 16 ounce bottle of Dale's Steak Sauce; AND a six pack of Buffalo Rock Ginger Ale.

Now Meredith probably hasn’t read enough Possumblog to know that Jimmy from next door (not Jimmy from Accounting) and she share a common love of things artistic.

Jimmy, as the rest of you know, has “a condition”, and has over the past years has done many exciting and lovely things as special gifts for new AoW members as part of his therapy. He used to do Kool-Sealing for everyone’s trailer roof, but had to quit because of his condition. The deal with the ladder didn’t help any, you know. Other therapeutic things have included decorative painted rocks for the ends of folks’ driveways, each with celebrity images such as Bear Bryant, Dale Earnhart, or Jesus; custom greeting cards (he ran out of paper for that, though, and he hasn’t been able to find any other businesses around town who are changing out their letterhead); customized brown paper bags with the recipient’s initials done in gold glitter; and at least one nail clipping mosaic of McGeorge Bundy.

Since Meredith is something of an occupational soulmate, Jimmy came up with an idea for a grand gesture and seems very excited about it. He has taken to calling it “performance art”, and has been hard at work in the tool shed for two days now. He won’t let any of us look at it, so we aren’t quite sure what it might be, but his condition looks much better, and his Aunt Wanda says lately she hasn’t caught him with any of the dirty books his friends give him. So, anyway, be on the lookout, Meredith!

Remember to stop by the supply closet and pick up a pack of Conte pencils and a kneadable eraser, and remember that if you leave anything in the refrigerator more than a day or two, Cindi will throw it right in the garbage can. (She has problems, you know.) The guy is still restriping the parking lot, so you’ll have to watch out because there are some folks who really need the stripes or else they’ll take the whole side of your car off. We moved the spare key to the little box by the hose spigot, but be careful and don’t get spider bit.

NOW, all of you please feel free to run over and say hey to Meredith!
posted by Terry at 4:13:00 PM