You know, she’s right.

Miss Janis, who is as devious and crafty as any person known, came up with the interesting idea that if the Axis of Weevil continues to add students and professors to its membership, we’ll wind up with our own university.

I, being rather less inventive but more pragmatic, noted the difficulty in creating a truly world-class institute of higher learning when we don’t even have enough people to make a football team and cheerleading squad. What sort of school would that be?!

Janis pressed her case, noting that we had all the necessary staff and administration, and that with the proceeds from our newly minted line of molded polyresin Moorenumentals™, we would be rolling in enough dough to buy two really nice used portable classrooms, as well as have great wads of cash in our trouser pockets.

Hmm.

I think I was much too hasty, perhaps…and with this being the Internet and all, who says we can’t have a football team, virtual though it may be? But what about heritage and history? Oh, heck, we can manufacture that, too.

Which is why the Axis of Weevil is proud to announce that we are now accepting student applications for the 2003 Winter Semester at Weevil State University!!

About Weevil State

Weevil State University, a proud and envied leader among the prestigious Kudzu League schools, is a non-traditional institute of post-secondary education, devoted to offering its students the finest in instruction and boon companionship. Its diverse and inclusive faculty is the finest in the country, and they allow Weevil State University to offer baccalaureate, masters, and doctoral level degrees in such fields as Applied B.S., Ad Hominem Argumentation, Ballistics, Parrot Linguistics, Eating, Work Avoidance, Professional Wrestling, French Manicure Technology, and Aerospace Engineering. (See course catalog for full list of offerings.)

History

Weevil State University was founded in 1541 by two members of Hernando DeSoto’s expedition through Alabama. Senor Eduardo Roberto de Santiago Castillo (Eddie Bob), the expedition’s ink grinder, pen sharpener, and stationery carrier, and Cabo Jaime Jose Mendoza (Jimmy Joe), a petty officer in charge of a detachment of ship’s caulkers, became lost in the densely wooded forests somewhere south of the present-day town of Fayette on their trek northward.

Greatly alarmed by their circumstance, they nonetheless exhibited the hardy spirit and inventiveness that is the hallmark of Weevil State University. They took stock of their situation and made an inventory of their belongings—according to Sr. Castillo, these consisted of

“…our clothing which upon our backs we carried, three blocks of best ink de chine, a bag of parched maize, fourteen sheets of best white laid quarto paper, five goose quills, a bucket of tar, an iron hammer, a book of bawdy engravings, a three-legged dog (which we must with shamed faces admit we named Hernando), a carved whale ivory ear wax spoon, and a small piece of stone which was reputed to have been from the kitchen of Abraham’s home in Ur.” "The Journal of Our Travails, 1541-1569" Castillo, p. 13

Using these simple items and their quick wits, they managed to befriend a local tribe of Native Americans who had taken them as war captives. Their chief, seeing that they were both useful and harmless, allowed the men some freedom to come and go, which they used to begin developing their idea for creating a New University in the New World.

Originally styled as “La universidad del gran conocimiento para los salvajes de ensenanza sobre la civilizacion con el uso de la intelecto astuta y superior por la tolerancia de Carlos, del rey de Iberia y de las Américas” (The University of Great Knowledge for Teaching the Savages About Civilization Through the Use of Cunning and Superior Intellect, by the Grace of Carlos, King of Iberia and the Americas), the University became known far and wide as a place of great learning, knowledge, and general smart-aleckiness.

Throughout the 16th, 17th, 18th, and 19th Centuries, the University attracted visitors and students from across the globe and established itself as a beacon of intellect in a wild and untamed continent. However, the true measure of success was the establishment in 1919 of the University’s first football team, which coincided with the renaming of the University.

The infamous boll weevil plague that devastated the Alabama’s cotton crop actually proved a blessing to the state’s farmers, forcing them to practice crop diversification which allowed them to greatly increase their income. In 1919, the citizens of Enterprise, Alabama, erected a monument to the pest in honor of its work. Not to be outdone, the Regents of the University voted to similarly honor the boll weevil by changing the name of the school to Weevil State University, which was especially welcome given the tiresomeness associated with reciting the entire name of the school as it was previously recorded.

The football team took on the name of “Fightin’ Weevils”, and like its namesake, proceeded to spread fear across the Southland, except rather than eating crops they spread fear with their gridiron prowess, just as they continue to do to this day.

Weevil State University Today

From our lush campus, still located somewhere south of Fayette, the faculty and staff of Weevil State University continue to pursue knowledge and build strong minds for the future. Go with us now on a tour of WSU…

The Old Main—oldest building on campus, and location of the Registrar’s office.

Eddie Bob Memorial Student Union Building—here some of our ROTC cadets relax in the comfortable and spacious Student Union.

The Quad—many students find a walk across the verdant Quad the highlight of their day. The University Chapel is shown here at the end of the Business Administration complex.

Student Housing—We are justifiably proud of our safe and secure student housing.

Esther Williams Memorial Natatorium—The Fightin’ Weevil Swimming and Diving Team have continued to excel in their new facility, and have especially enjoyed their underwater clubhouse.

The Stephen Hawking Planetarium—one of the finest facilities of its kind in the world.

And of course, one of our most beloved landmarks, Weevil Field.

As you can see, we are blessed with a multitude of wonderful facilities, but it’s really our people who make this place what it is. And we want YOU to be a part of it!

Contact the Registrar’s Office today—you’ll be glad you did!
posted by Terry at 2:00:00 PM