Well, my friend, you’ve come to the right place.

Earlier today there was a visitor who stopped by after searching far and wide for how to do a book report for an eight grader.

You know, hardly a day goes by when we here at Possumblog are not called upon to help out youngsters and their parents in their joint quest to circumvent the idea that homework is to be done by the student.

At least our querist is on the right track, and has successfully discovered the first step toward writing a convincing book report--disguising the grammar and spelling.

Oft times, parents will write the book report for their “eight [sic] grader”, oblivious to the usual poor quality of such works, and fill it with big words and fanciful ideas. Unless a concerted effort is made to conceal these, most teachers are able to pick out work done by parents because there are usually at least 7-14% fewer misspelled words, and the grammar usually sounds more “grown-uppy”.

So, be sure to throw in lots of phrases such as, “he done” and, “whitch is relly stuped” and, “duh”.

Second, the actual book itself is unimportant. Those yellow and black books in the bookstore are just fine; you don’t have to read nearly as much and they are usually cheaper than the real book.

Third, be sure to use very large font sizes (14 point is minimum, 26 is preferred), double spacing, 2” margins, a cover sheet, and a back sheet.

Fourth, the best thing you can do is get a really cool cover. This always impresses teachers.

There now, hope that helps! Let us know how it turns out for you!
posted by Terry at 3:12:00 PM