Y’all pack yer bags—we fixin’ to go on us a GUILT TRIP!!

Oh, I’m sure there must be a good explanation—earthquake, typhoon, sudden aversion to marsupials. No one would ever just simply forget about lunch. With ME!

As I sat there self-consciously with two menus and two sets of silverware on the table in front of me, I began softly sobbing on my sleeve, wondering why I even bothered to get a haircut. Oh, I knew it couldn’t have been anything personal—such a personable and fun-loving local television reporter must be off covering IMPORTANT stuff. (Or…maybe she knows about the incident in 1976 in Keokuk….no, it can’t be!)

Or, maybe it was just a stack lies!! Each one, a tiny thin layer like philo, until I was crushed by giant baklava of deceit!!

I suppose maybe she just forgot. Forgot me like a used ta… [At this point, the Editorial Staff wish to remind The Readership that the Editor-in-Chief has occasional lapses of sanity, although it must be said that it is usually unnecessary to point out such occurrences.

In this instance, however, the Editor-in-Chief is not suffering from his normal abnormality, but is merely attempting in his odd, tongue-in-cheek way to play his grift upon the lovely Miss Preede. We believe (given the notes we have seen on his desk) that he is more than likely trying to induce her to provide him with Channel 6 coffee mugs and/or golf shirts, in addition to trying to angle a lunch on Fox’s dime, possibly a ride in a mobile news satellite truck, and as best we can tell, gain a meeting with the production staff to pitch his television show project, “The Amazing Mr. Possum and His Blog”. As always, we apologize for this silly, shallow, and shameless display. Ed. St.]

…ou cut me, DO I NOT SQUEAL, and hiss, and fall over and play dead?! OF COURSE…

[Well, he’s still going at it. Perhaps we underestimated his tenacity. Which is why we usually keep him locked in his office. In the interest of space, the 3,209 words which followed the above have been excised. Ed. St.]

...A passerby asked me why I seemed so distraught—I told him the whole pitiful tale, and he said, kindness brimming in his eyes, that maybe if I had a nice coffee mug, or golf shirt with the colorful Fox 6 logo professionally emblazoned upon it—maybe that would make me feel better. “Or, maybe I could ride around in one of those big trucks with the dish on top?” He patted my hand and nodded, “Yes, even something like that might make you forget your sadness.” Raindrops fell from the edge of the dirty canvas awning, “Or, maybe…no. NO! Such a thing is too much even to contemplate.” “What young fellow,” he said, “whatever do you think could lift your waxen heart from the depths of despair?”

“Well, you see, I have this idea for a television show—there’s, like, a camera guy following me around, and I have on this…

[Obviously, this little confidence scheme has gone on far too long. We express our extreme regret for The Editor-in-Chief’s behavior, and while we detest having to ‘get out the moose’, we believe such a course has been thrust upon us. We would like to invite Miss Preede to have lunch with any of the other staff members, especially Chet the E-Mail Boy, who keeps her photograph right beside his telegraph key. And Chet needs to eat more than does our Editor. Ed. St.]
posted by Terry at 2:10:00 PM