Yet another unsuspecting victim...

As you recall from our show yesterday, we indentured poor unsuspecting Steven Taylor into the service of Greater Alablogma--he graciously posted a notice on his blog of his capture. Not realizing the danger he posed to himself, another one of them smart poli-sci docs left a message congratulating him, which offered yours truly just enough of a incentive to want to go see what HE had to say on HIS blog, where Dr. Joyner let it slip that Alabamaosity ran through his veins thicker than cat fur.

Although James has now left the leafy confines of Troy State University and moved up to the Metro D.C. area (where he works for a publisher), I sensed his longing for the down home life. I also sensed the potential to add yet another doctor to our club (thus paving the way for our hostile takeover of HealthSouth), so I sent James the following e-mail:

SUBJECT: Hmmm...another possible Weevil?

Good afternoon, Dr. Joyner,

I saw your comment over on PoliBlogger and followed it over to your blog, where I noticed that you had spent some time here in the greatest state ever to exist in all of human history. Given that, and your abundantly overqualified curriculum vitae, is it possible we could interest you in joining up with us?

I like to be polite and ask, because believe it or not, there actually are some folks who would rather not be associated with us! Shyeah--I know--go figure!

In any event, I have included the OFFICIAL membership rules--

1) Born in, or now live in, or once lived in, or would like to live in, Alabama;
2) Not ashamed to admit to #1;
3) Staunchly anti-idiotarian, or can at least pretend pretty good
4) Functionally literate
5) Don't type in ALL CAPS or all e.e. cummings case or MiXeD.
6) Update your blog more than once a month
7) Willing to be made fun of
8) Willing to make fun of yourself
9) Have a framed picture of John Moses Browning
10) Personal library must contain more books than you will ever read
11) Must be able to recite Monty Python and the Holy Grail and give an episode synopsis of all Andy Griffith shows from memory
12) Your pickup truck must be in good working order--use of ether to get it started is not recommended, but will be allowed on a case-by-case basis

DISCLAIMER: As with the well-loved Calvinball, the rules may change in the middle of the game.

So that's about it. Remember, the Axis of Weevil represents not only those who live in the state, but the entirety of the Redneck Diaspora--many of the blog writers listed as members no longer live within the confines of our borders, but have gone forth to spread the goodness of Alabama across the nation.

If you even remotely qualify, there is your very own Axis of Weevil Gift Pack sitting right here, waiting for the order to be delivered.

In mere moments, Chet the E-Mail Boy came back with the following from James:

I got a PhD from The University of Alabama, which is something of an oxymoron.

HEY! He said it, not me!

Also a high school diploma and a couple other degrees. And the folks still live there.

Otherwise, I meet all the qualifications except 9 (although I did have a student named John Browning in several of my classes at Troy State) and 12 (my pickup done died and has been replaced by a succession of cars). Of course, I'd have thought the vehicle would be required to be on cinderblocks in the front yard to qualify; go figure.

Well, there you go! First off, here is a nice picture of John Moses Browning which you may clip off of your computer monitor with a pair of sharp scissors and put in a frame, so that takes care of Number 9. The pickup truck requirement seems to be tripping up a good many folks--they get all edumicated beyond their upbringing and don't seem to recall that with a couple of hours, a reciprocating saw, and a big can of Bondo, ANY car can be turned into a nice El Camino-style truck--just the thing for work or play; for pulling up to the country club, or picking up hot chicks around Reagan International!

As for the vehicle being up on blocks...well, to each his own, but it's awful hard to drive 'em like that. However, they do make nice yard art, jungle gyms, or sources of cash by parting them out.

So, having dispensed with these minor annoyances, I dashed off a congratulatory reply and told James we would add his name to the roll, to which he said:

Sure. What the hey.

THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!

SO THEN, without further delay or detention, by the power bestowed upon me my The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in purest shimmering samite, and with feelings of great soberness and dignity we, The Heart of Dixie Jazz Ensemble and Mortar Squad, a.k.a. The Axis of Weevil, do FORTHWITH add, promote, inculcate and invest one James Joyner into our cast of characters, with all of the benefits (such as they are) and responsibilities pertaining thereto.

ANYONE OBJECTING to this may not wish to say it too loudly, given Dr. Joyce's background: "Dr. Joyner served as an officer in the U.S. Army from 1988 to 1992, primarily as a Multiple Launch Rocket System platoon leader. His stint included tours in Germany and deployment to southwest Asia for Operations Desert Shield and Desert Storm. Along the way he went to Airborne school at Fort Benning, Georgia and Air Assault school at Fort Rucker, Alabama. His military awards include the Bronze Star Medal, the Army Commendation Medal, and a host of "I was there" medals."

He can put a world of hurt on you. Hopefully he can help us get the recoilless rifle working again.

BUT enough of that--it is time for us all to traipse over to Outside the Beltway and say hello to the newest Weevil!

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE--And you thought we would forget about the World Famous Axis of Weevil Gift Pack! Au contraire, Pierre! After she gets through putting in a new battery in the Pinto, Miss Janie will be loading up all your goodies and setting off for ol' Virginny. She's slow (you would be too at 93), but she's a hard worker and a very safe driver, so be on the lookout for her.
posted by Terry at 1:54:00 PM