O Canaduh

UPDATED JANUARY 5, 2005

A story from the Ottawa Citizen reprinted at The Volokh Conspiracy about promoting a higher level of moronicity in Lombardy Public Schools.

This update is prompted by the receipt of this message from the writer of the article:

From: Sarah Ruttan
To: terryoglesby@gmail.com
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2005 13:26:18 -0500 (EST)
Subject: copywritten material

To whom it my concern,

My name is Sarah Ruttan and I am a freelance writer based in London, Ontario. Your website has posted a column I wrote about the word gun in a classroom spelling list. While I am flattered that you have done so it is copywrited material with which I earn my livelihood. My fee for posting is $150. Please forward to me at 94 Windsor Ave., London, ON, N6C 1Z9

Yours,
Sarah Ruttan

Hmm. Well, it was my understanding when I initially posted this article that the copyright holder was the Ottawa Citizen, and I believed that my use of it constituted fair use under U.S. copyright laws.

However, since I have no desire to engage in a pissing match with a complete stranger over $150 (whether in Canadian or U.S. dollars), I have removed the portions of this post that were quotations from the original article. An article that, by the way, can also be seen here; and here; and here; and here, on the site of the Ontario Federation of Anglers and Hunters. Let's see--that's five other sites that reprinted the article--at a hundred and fifty bucks a pop, that's pretty darned good scratch, whether it's in Loonies or greenbacks! I might have to get in on this freelance writing thing!

Then again, if it requires kissing a man's stomach, I might have to pass.

Anyway, the offending freelance writer written passages have been removed, although my commentary is staying as it is. In order to make some sense of what I have written without its explanatory context, I had to just make up stuff in the blockquoted section. It's not copyrighted by anyone, that I know of.

Two fairly odd parents in Canada decided they didn't want their little girl to learn anything, or any other kid for that matter, so they complained about the word "gun" being on her spelling list. And the school board said they'd remove it.

Well, gee whiz--where are all the folks who stampede the doors when someone wants to censor all the naughty dirty cursey words in books?! Where are all the folks fighting for intellectual freedom?? Oh, sorry. Shoulda known better.

There's some sort of garbage here about the word "gun" being synonymous with "kicking the bucket." The parents wonder why anyone would ever want to have a word to describe such an inanimate object. The female parent did say she didn't want people to think she was being too politically correct.

Ya think? Maybe in her dictionary gun is synonymous with death, but then again, who is she to push her views onto everyone else? If she were some sort of religious loon who wanted to remove the word "penis" from all the health education books, there would be an angry purple-helmeted horde on her doorstep with great big papier mache puppet penes.

Mom goes on to say, 'Gun BAD! FRIGHTEN ME! NO MORE TALKING OUT OF MOUTHS OF YOU!' Or something like that.

Translation: "I never even thought about not fighting this or raising the issue, and I think it has everything to do with political correctness, which in this case is typlified by the irrational anthopomorphizing of inanimate objects, giving them frightening attributes, and further by the demonization of anyone who disagrees with me. Finally, I wrap this up in the warm cuddle of The Children™, thus further attempting to politicize the problem and alienate those who do not share my view. I don't care about anyone else, and all I care about is protecting my own preconceived notions of how people should behave. Oh, and that part about this not being right is silly, because the concept of absolute right or wrong is simplistic and naive. At least for those people who disagree with me.

The story goes on with the horror of the child being subjected to an actual drawing of a gun.

HOLY CRAP!! She could get a paper cut!! Man, had I only been there, I would have snatched it out of her tiny hand and wadded it up in a great big show and thrown it in the garbage can, and as she stood there crying, I would have screamed at her that guns were violent!

Mom called the Government Sanctioned Authority Figure.

I'm sure he was absolutely thrilled.

Authority Figure returned call and groveled at the insensitivity and horror of it all, and removed the offending series of consonants that had been connected by the letter "u."

Well GOOD! Next we take out "man," so that we aren't burdened with further oppression by an androcentric oligarchy, then we get rid of "pet," which oppresses animals and forces them into involuntary servitude to hupersons, then we can dump "ear," because it unfairly demeans children who have been gifted with ungood hearing, and then we HAVE to get rid of "pen" which as we all know is even mightier than the swor* (I just can't bring myself to spell it!), and then we have to erase "mind", which signifies a defiant, evil, individuality not in keeping with the benefits of the collective good--oh, the mind just jumps with glee for all the stuff we can take out.

Authority Figure is quoted about the use of the offending three-letter word, saying it's easy to spell and say.

Oh, good Unspecified But All Loving Mother Deity--how dare this little lumpen prole even think about the patronizing and outdated construct of "education" and "learning"! There is a principle at stake here!!

Authority Figure grovels some more.

And magically, with the horrid evil of a single word expunged from memory, the world was suddenly transformed into Happy Flower Puff Land with gambolling multiculturality and Organically Grown and Nutritionally Complete Soy Derivative Gingerbread Communal Houses!

Authority Figure declines to even be caught saying the word, lest someone reading the article be offended. fnord

Well, great jumping cats, Mr. SimzerAuthority Figure, NOT saying it offends ME! What are you gonna do about that!? "'Blank' registration," my hind leg.

Authority Figures says he's glad it's all over now.

And thus was struck yet another blow for universal illiteracy.

Parents state that they are still upset that the word was ever invented in the first place, but are very happy with their efforts to get it removed.

They must be so proud.
posted by Terry at 10:56:00 AM