I have a hard head.

That's dentistspeak for "incredibly resistant to all known local dental anesthetics to the point that it requires at least eight separate injections into a patient's mandible before even being able to touch a damaged tooth without patient levitating out of the chair due to radiation of extreme pain waves emanating from all parts of body."

Ouch.

First three--two in back of jaw, one at gumline. Come back in 15 minutes after it has time to work, start high-pitched siren of pain drilling implement, "YAHHHAHwMMWMrlvlmwH!! UU! UU! Yeth, that hurth!" 'Nother one in the jaw, 'nother one in the gum. Leave alone to allow maximum time for fear to build. Come back, use nuclear-powered jackhammer-- "UUMRN! MMMAAO! UNGHMAAM! Blath gul go flath math go glag! Glag!" Received incredibly interesting seminar on being 'hard-headed,' various causes for anesthetic not to work quite right (inflammation, infection, dead raccoons in backyard, misaligment of universe) then start hauling out barrels of numb-juice (not barrels, really--it was only gallon jugs) and start poking multiple holes into lower jaw using a short length of copper tubing and a very large hammer. At least by this time, although the ol' #30 was still quite live, the entire rest of my face was quite numb, so the rest of the shots into the root of my tooth didn't hurt a bit, and I had the droopy-eyed look of Robert Mitchum in the prime of his career. The place where my tooth was broken still hurt, though. Muchly.

After I was thoroughly awash in spit and perspiration, a halt was called to the proceedings, and the dental assistant made a second impression for the temporary crown. I like the impressions, because the molding compound has a wonderful vanilla ice cream flavor. I asked for seconds. I didn't get them. Figures. She came back and the process of getting the temp ground properly began, which thankfully was not painful. Except when she touched my tooth with metal. Ouch.

Finally finish, and not only do I have a beautiful new temporary plastic tooth, I am also lighter by 300 smackers (only half the total--luckily we have dental insurance).

Wow! Who knew dentistry could be so FUN!
posted by Terry at 8:34:00 AM