[...] Richard comes flying out of the starting gate with The Crude Crusader:

Stop right there.

Crude? Methinks Richard is a bit of a snob. I’m sure that a lot of people in Texas are amused that Richard Cohen regards the boy president from Arkansas as the epitome of class and sophistication, while President George W. Bush’s Texas mannerisms are just too, well, crude for the East Coast establishment.

Crusader? My, oh my, isn’t that a loaded term in this context. I thought we weren’t supposed to use that word for fear of offending Muslim sensibilities. You’d think Richard was trying to, … oh, I get it. Of course, to be a crusader is to be crude (just ask Terry Jones), so its kind of redundant isn’t it?

Just before the Gulf War -- the last Gulf War, that is –

Gosh he’s clever.

… I was in Baghdad, staying at the Al-Rashid Hotel, …

Yes, yes, we know. Richard gets to travel and stay at lots of places we don’t.

… when a family moved in across the hall. I don't remember much about the mother or father, but I do remember their children, two boys who played boisterously in the hallway, kicking a ball around.

Kind of like Michael Jackson. Yea, it's a cheap shot, but I've learned the technique from a master.

I wondered what would happen to them when war came.

Hopefully nothing, but as General Sherman said, “war is all hell.” Of course, if either of their parents pissed off Saddam, we have a pretty good idea about what would happen to them -- and it would make spending an evening at the Neverland Ranch seem like month at Disneyland.

I suppose such thoughts would make me a bad president, ...

Yes Dick, only those thoughts would make you a bad president. Just keep telling yourself that.

… a little wishy, a little washy.

This sounds like former President Bill Clinton.

I know that such thoughts, expressed by Bill Clinton when he was president, were sometimes held against him.

Ha! I knew it! I’m sure Monica asked Bill, “If I make a little wishy, would you hold it against me?” And Bill replies, “Only if you remember to washy your blue dress.” [...]