Well, now, first things first...

Over the weekend, I received the nicest e-mail from a well-known blogger, who had just learned of the existence of the mighty and powerful Axis of Weevil from Ambassador to the Bootheel State Charles Austin (by the way--be sure to check Charles' masteful Super Bowl coverage)--anyway, to the letter:

As a true Son of the South from the great state of Jawja, I humbly ask for membership in the "Axis of Weevil." I promise to wear the mantle proudly and do NOTHING...well, very little...or the least I can anyway, to embarrass the rest of the group.

I am asking as part of my pursuit of happiness.

Acidman

Awww. That's nice, and not a single curse word! But, for all of you long time readers, you all know that the rules are incredibly strict, and just being from the South won't cut it, so I had a bit of urging to do in order to insure compliance. I wrote him back with this--

"Hey Mr. Acidman!

[delete personal mushy stuff] I know we would be glad to have you, as long as you are willing to at least say that living in Alabama wouldn't be such a bad thing--the rules are relatively lax [INCREDIBLY PERNICIOUS], but if you can't say it in good conscience, you at least have to lie about it with great conviction. Lord knows I wouldn't want to impede your pursuit of
happiness! [secret information redacted]

Hmmm. What would he say? Would it be too much for him? Then I received my answer--first this reply:

I am eternally grateful. And I actually like Alabama, too, except when the Crimson Tide or the Auburn Asswits come to play my beloved Bulldogs. We'll have to work on that cosmic disconnect. Okay?

And then this nice post on Gut Rumbles:

Did I ever tell y'all how much I like Alabama? It's almost as good as Georgia and Texas. The more I think about Alabama the more I love it. That's one hell of a great state.

I've spent a week in Birmingham before and I couldn't wait to get my Cracker ass out of there loved every minute of it. Honest.

Alabama is a great place, as long as their football teams stay out of Georgia. If they come HERE, however, it is a Bulldog's duty to hurt them. I'm sorry about that.

But rules are rules.

Yep, they are, and unfortunately since I never included one that says you have to talk nice about Auburn (Note to self--impose despotic executive decision making this so at next Glee Club meeting), and seeing as how Rob the Acidman has made the good confession and publicly proclaimed his love for the Wonderful World of Alabama, and in that Gut Rumbles proudly stands upon the ramparts of the fight against idiocy, and in spite of the fact that most of Rob's blog could not be quoted from the pulpit, and seeing that his first car was a red '68 Javelin and that I used to be the owner of a Matador Red '69 390 Go-Pak equipped AMX (the two seater) which would swap ends when the weatherman mentioned rain, and in that he seems to have successfully completed all the other requirements, IT IS WITH GREAT PRIDE that WE, the Cotton State Geographical Society, by the power granted to us by several people who wish their names to be unknown, do hereby extend to Acidman Rob the tremendous honor and privilege of membership within the Axis of Weevil, and remind him that no warranty is expressed or implied, and that continual use may cause painful itching and/or irritation.

CONGRATULATIONS, pH0man, and to welcome you to the team, you will be receiving your very own World Famous Axis of Weevil Gift Pack. Rob is well aware of the bounty of pleasure that comes in the Gift Pack, but for those of you who haven't read anything on this thing past last week, the WFAoWGP consists of Dreamland ribs, a gallon jug of Milo's sweet tea; a G-Lox Wedgee gun rack from Mark's Outdoor Sports for Acid's pickup; a package of Bubba's Beef Jerky (according to Dr. Weevil, this is homemade and is available only at the gas station at the end of Highway 82 in Bibb County); a three piece, 24 ounce box of Priester's Pecan Logs; a box of Jim Dandy grits; a 16 ounce bottle of Dale's Steak Sauce; AND a six pack of Buffalo Rock Ginger Ale. In addition, we all remember that Jimmy from next door has returned to help out by providing our new inductees with one of his very nice painted rocks. Nurse Tawana from the Center says that this work has been very beneficial for Jimmy, and his condition seems to be getting some better. So, then Rob, pick up you keys from Edna at the front desk, fill out your W-4, find an empty desk, tell Jimmy what color rock you want, and get to work!
posted by Terry at 9:24:00 AM