Thus Starts the Flood of Incident Reports...

Just got the following from Steevil, evil brother of Dr. Weevil, regarding our aforementioned bureaucratic fascination with indistinct hazards:

You haven't yet gotten pinged because you don't have a Materials Safety Data Sheet for the white board cleaner in your office? Other hazardous materials where I work are Fantastik, Windex and 409, that get you sentenced to HAZMAT training. I've fantasized about smuggling some of my boat fixing goodies (toluene, acetone, methyl ethyl ketone to start with) to put in the safety coordinator's office (our company doesn't believe in locking offices) and turning her in for the violation. Since I already have a reputation for being ornery, I'd just get myself in trouble without affecting the stupid policy, so I just put up with it.

Well, you see, Steevil, that presupposes that your attempt at jamming would be discovered--just be sure to wipe down the containers for fingerprints, and bribe the security guard for the video tape, sit back and watch the wacky hijinx follow! As for our compliance with OSHA requirements for MSDSs and the like, I'm sure there is a worker bee somewhere in the building with a large fat file of these. Or not. (And the white board cleaner is the least of our worries, what with all the rubber cement thinner and waste toner boxes about.)

Then we hear from Marc Velazquez , who reports the following:

I have an incident to report and would appreciate it if you could transcribe this on the appropriate forms in triplicate (remember to bear down on the pen!) and forward to the appropriate authorities: A potentially hazardous keyboard is staring me in the face that could result in the disabling habit of BLOGGING. The keyboard DREW ME IN to the blogosphere, and it could have the same effect on fellow co-workers. An incident of blogging ALMOST WENT OVER my break time, with the fast typing nearly causing CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME.

Thank you for your help in addressing these near-dangerous incidences...

We apologize, but all of our service representatives are working with other customers at this time. Please hold the line, and someone will be able to assist you shortly. If you need immediate assistance, please dial extension 223 and press star-9, then the pound sign. At the tone, state your name and a brief description of your problem. Press 5 to send the message, or stay on the line for further options. A customer service representative will be with you in approximately ::pause:: Forty...eight...minutes. Thank you for your patience--we do appreciate your call.

Finally, beloved, yet slightly sadistic, reader Toni Albani sends this link to a story that cries out for an incident report. (Probably best to go ahead and fill out the paperwork, and not to wait for the swelling to go down.)
posted by Terry at 1:29:00 PM