Extending Alabama's Cultural Hegemony, One Blog at a Time

If you will recall from yesterday's program, a well-known blogger expressed her jealousy at not being a member of the Heart of Dixie Chevette Drivers and Weblog Club (a.k.a. The Axis of Weevil). I exchanged an e-mail with said blogger, noting that she seemed to more or less fulfill all the requirements, except for not having explicitly stated how much she would love to live in the Yellowhammer State.

In an apparent bid to show just how uncomfortable she is living outside of our fair state, she demonstrated her extreme snow aversion by going out upon the steps of her abode and falling heavily onto the back of her lap. Never has anyone deliberately gone out and done themselves an injury simply to show how completely ill-equipped she is to live anywhere other than the toasty, warm climes of Alabama. (By the way, the weatherman says it's going down to 8 real Fahrenheit degrees tonight.)

Given this high level of dedication and general clumsiness, how can we deny that Meryl Yourish is one of us!?

It is then with deep feelings of sympathy and no small amount of pride, that we accept Meryl's confession of being a High Holy redneck and her repentance for ever living anywhere near the Jersey Turnpike, and welcome her into our loving embrace--

By the authority granted me by the estate of the late Raymond Burr, I hereby grant asylum and full membership in the Alabama Blog Writers Colloquium and Sporting Clays Club, with all of the neverending excitement and pain associated therewith.

As with most of our recent additions, Meryl, please be advised that the parking situation at the Axis of Weevil World Domination Headquarters is still in a bit of a standoff. The Accounting Department was susposed to be having a layoff, but Raydean has refused to leave, so everyone's all up in arms about it. Oh, and the company car won't crank, so if you need to use it, you can't.

ANYWAY, as with all new members of the club, Meryl will be receiving the World Famous Axis of Weevil Gift Pack, and because we're such culturally sensitive sorts, we have replaced the Dreamland ribs with a nice roasted brisket from Browdy's Deli, along with the usual gallon jug of Milo's sweet tea; a G-Lox Wedgee gun rack from Mark's Outdoor Sports for her Cherokee; a package of Rabbi Bubba's Beef Jerky (according to Dr. Weevil, this is homemade and is available only at the gas station at the end of Highway 82 in Bibb County); a three piece, 24 ounce box of Priester's Pecan Logs; a box of Jim Dandy grits; a 16 ounce bottle of Dale's Steak Sauce; and an inflatable cushion ring from CVS Pharmacy. To your health, Meryl!

BUT WAIT! THAT'S NOT ALL...

Not only do we add Miss Meryl to our ever burgeoning ranks, but in amongst all the turmoil of the past day, I also received an unsolicited message from a genuine Bellicose Woman, wishing just like everyone else to be included amongst the other Weevilites. Yes, I was as shocked as you, but MommaBear at Site Essentials has particular charms that I cannot resist--first of all, this vehicle, and then her comments in reference to Items #3 through #8 of the Membership Requirements, to which she says:

I certainly fit all of them to a Capitol T !! That makes a total of 6, so I'm half-way there! 9 & 11 might be a little hard, though, for valid reasons. 1 & 10 are no problem, though. 2 would be fine...I'll say anything to get what I want, and then find a way to deny it later, if need be. How'm I doing, now?!

If you're willing to lie to get in, good night a'livin', you MUST be assimilated! To top it off, she also adds this:

I have two side-arms that are my 'carry guns'...tools...all the rest are my "toys", although they require a hell of a lot of care when handling !!

I really am 68...well, the chassis is, but I know I'm still only 43, which was one of my best years! So there !!

Indeed! So, not to make it an extra special day, The Alabama School of Internet Time Wasting does hereby rejoice in the addition of YET ANOTHER member to the burdensome bureaucratic nightmare known as the Axis of Weevil!

To MommaBear, we extend to you as much love and affection as possible to someone married to a Tennessean, and by the power conferred upon me by my neighbor on the street behind me who looks like a young Phyllis George, I hereby induct you into the awe-inspiring and not-the-least-bit-silly Audemus Jura Nostra Defendere Blogging Chapter of the Cotton States Sewing Co-op, with all the benefits, group insurance rates, and light-headedness pertaining thereunto.

Welcome to you, MommaBear, and as with Meryl, you will be receiving your very own Axis of Weevil Gift Pack, with the exception that it will be filled with the normal assortment of unclean animal products, and instead of the inflatable seat ring, we are including a signed copy of Billy Joe Bob's friend Cletus' newest campaign flyer.

The parking situation, as mention, is a problem, so please be sure to use the gravel lot behind the tool shed. Be sure to tell Edith at the front desk that you need a stapler and a desk blotter.

EXCELSIOR!
posted by Terry at 2:20:00 PM