Well, now, THAT was a weekend!

Movie, popcorn, Christmas shopping, sleeping in, Christmas shopping, barbecue, football, hot and sour soup--wow.

Friday night we got the kids loaded up and taken to the grandparents. I had thought we might get to eat before James Bonding, but we got such a late start that we just went on to the theater.

Movie Review Time (With Spoilers of a Sort--scroll way down to miss them) As I mentioned last week, I was looking forward to this movie--I've had to sit through some mildly enjoyable non-guy stuff and it was time for some mindless action and women in danger. The 007 movies are also good from the Miss Reba perspective, because she tells me that Bond is hot. Which is a good thing after the movie is over. Nuff about that.

Die Another Day more or less follows the familiar Bond formula--opening gun barrel montage, first Bad Situation, escape, capture, escape, hook up with Unknown Good Girl, chase bad guys, get help from former bad guy, manage to get in trouble with Unknown Bad Girl/Mistress of Evil Guy, get captured, yack yack yack, cut some wires, escape, find out true plan, countdown clock, break into secret lair, yack yack yack, destroy it and Evil Guy/Girl, nearly die in escape, wind up in bed with Good Girl. And there are Toys--lasers, satellites, guns, got his Aston Martin back now, Q.

I really, REALLY wanted to like this one, and while it was going on I tried my best to keep my mind in Neutral and not notice the stupid stuff, but when it gets so distracting that you wind up saying "But why doesn't he just...," or "That's a dumb...," or "Madonna!?..." it's probably not a good thing. Yeah, several days later, you might want to start asking those question, but during the opening is probably not the sign of good Bond goodness to come. As witnessed by...

Opening sequence, packing a suitcase full of "conflict diamonds" with hidden C-4. I know it's C-4, because it says so in BIG LETTERS ON THE WRAPPER! "Gee, James, is this C-4 or Velveeta?--Oh wait, it's here on the label." Dumb.

North Korean "conflict diamond" smuggler dude with a stable full of exotic cars parked in the mud. Dumb.

North Koreans using hovercraft to scoot around DMZ. Great idea, won't blow up the land mines, especially useful when NO ONE IS EVER WATCHING or LISTENING, which happens a lot in the DMZ. "Sergeant, there's this big ol' boat thing flying around the minefield!" "'Sawright son, probably just some kids playing." Dumb.

Evil North Korean gets a faceful of "conflict diamond" shrapnel. Which stays imbedded in his face the entire movie. Despite access to weird science project DNA replication therapy that turns you into someone else. Despite the fact that a lobotomized chimp with a tweezer could have gotten them out. Dumb.

Bond gets captured and imprisoned in North Korea. FOR 14 MONTHS. Look, he's James Bond. No one captures James Bond for fourteen everlovin' months! Dumb, and disrespectful of the character.

Bond grows luxurious mane of hair and beard while in prison, is released looking like John Walker Lindh or Howard Hughes. Dumb. Made me want to smack him.

Bond is taken to MI6 hospital and quarantined. M comes in and Pierce Brosnan does this weird, affected, finger-pointing thing. British agents do not vulgarly point at their audience. Makes you wonder what the director was telling him--"Pierce, even though you two are the only two folks in the shot, I want everyone to know exactly to whom you're talking, so point right at Judith several times while you talk. Hmm? No, don't try to make your gestures make sense. Just randomly point while you talk. See? Just point, say your lines, point. And walk funny while you do it. That way it'll look like you're angry. And remember to point. ACTION!" Dumb.

Bond easily escapes from the hospital, which is on a boat in Hong Kong Harbor. When informed, M says, "Well, that's what he's trained to do." SO WHY COULDN'T HE GET OUT OF KOREA!? Dumb.

Bond gets sent to Cuba by the Chinese, where everyone speaks English and waves firearms around and there's this island clinic where they do the DNA school project. Dumb.

Halle Berry comes up out of the ocean all wet and glistening and slow-motioney and wiggly. Mmmm! Then she says her lines. Shut up. Just shut up.

They find "Conflict Diamond Faced" Korean at the clinic, being turned into someone else, but looking remarkably like Master Po from Kung Fu. He's comatose, sorta, but they can't just plug him, have to have long discussion, allowing him to escape. Everybody shoots everybody, everyone misses, clinic blows up, Halle Berry looks nice. Whatever.

Bond gets on trail of the "conflict diamonds," except they are made by some whiz bang boy industrialist philanthropist Hugh Grant looking fellow. Meets up with Rosamund Pike, turncoat agent. She sure is pretty.

Bond sword fights Bad Guy, which is when we see cameo by Madonna. Lots of soft focus going on there. Doesn't help a lot. Fortunately, Madonna's short on-screen time allows her sufficient time to demonstrate the range of emotion and acting skill of a paper napkin. Dumb.

Go to Bad Guy's Not Really Secret Lair in Finland. Big ice palace, lots of stupid stuff and people out in the middle of nowhere, find out that Bad Guy is somehow not getting the diamonds from his recently discovered mine but actually is moving "conflict diamonds." Halle Berry in evening gown and leather jumpsuit. Mmmmm! Says lines. See previous comment. Gets trapped, strapped to a table under a "laser." Movie quickly devolving into a not very good Austin Powers clone.

Big satellite is supposed to be mirror, but is actually a weapon. Whodathunkit? Americans try to blow it up. Shoot one missile at it. Oh well, that's it. We've only got that one missile. I guess we're all doomed to be overrun by North Koreans and "conflict diamonds." Sure wish we had TWO missiles. Or wish that we could have hit the satellite from the back end. Oh well.

Rosamund Pike and everyone else is on giant Antonov AN-225. Which is made by the Russkies. Luckily, every warning and label is in English. For some reason, Rosamund Pike is dressed in a sort of black bustier teddy thing and starts a swordfight with Halle Berry. Whatever.

Bond and Berry get out of crashing Antonov by helicopter, which just happens to have all of the "conflict diamonds" hidden in it.

END. In retrospect, what a steaming pile of crap. Brosnan seems to have gotten in the Roger "Just Send Me the Check" Moore mode, and the director (I guess) decided to incorporate about a thousand too many of those odd, Matrix-like change-of-viewpoint camera swoops, along with the exciting new technologies of slow motion and fast motion. And then there is all the product placement distraction, brought to you by Norelco. And conflict diamonds. You may have figured out that these were part of the storyline.

Time for another director, time for another Bond, time for a movie with fewer gadgets, time for a remotely-plausible storyline that hasn't already been done two or three times, time to put away the schlocky Charlie's Angels camera tricks and CGI. Time to go rent From Russia With Love.

But, it was a movie and time spent with Reba, so it couldn't have been too bad. Then on to Wal-Mart for a little Christmas shopping without the kids, which was very helpful. Sadly, the movie lasted so long that it was too late for barbecue, so we stopped and got a quick hamburger at the Burger King drive through. Mine was supposed to be some sort of smoky cheddar something, which had the invigorating taste of garbage, sandwiched between two slices of "sourdough" with the consistency of a life jacket. Blech.

Saturday, got up late, got dressed and did a bit more shopping and then FINALLY got my barbecue, which was really, REALLY good. Right in the middle of it, as I was holding forth to Reba about all the stupid stuff in the movie in a wildly gesticulating fashion, I felt a tap on my shoulder--"War Eagle" a nice older lady said as she and her hubby were walking out. I had forgotten that I had my Auburn sweatshirt on, and I was so taken by surprise I almost didn't know what to say. "Thanks you, War Eagle, too!" or something. What a dork. Anyway, got all through, made a final pass through Target to finish propping up the American economy and it was time to go see the game. I timed it just right so that we would arrive at the grandparents as the game was starting so I could finagle an invite to watch the game.

What a game! And no rioting after it was over with. One thing that makes the Alabama-Auburn game the nation's best rivalry is that the rivalry is settled between the end zones. After that, everyone goes back to normal. Such as it is. But throwing bottles and fighting is just so...crude. Morons. Better would be to just go write a joke book or something.

Home, bed, up Sunday, and the icky sinus crud of last week has transformed itself into a lung-filling beast of mythic scale. I blow my nose and all I get is that odd high-pitched squealing sound as my sinuses try to open up. HONK-whhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeEEK. Ouch. Go to church, probably infect everyone, afterwards go eat many bowls of hot and sour soup and spoonsful of hot mustard sauce in attempt to loosen grip of demon. Works only a little, which should tell you how bad it is. Back home for some clothes folding exercises, read the paper, go back to church, try not to sleep by constantly hacking, back home for supper, kids to bed, sleep, and wake up here.

Today is going to be a short one, as I have to go pick up the kids and take them to the dentist this afternoon. So this day is already about shot. Tomorrow is going to be busy, and then I will be off Wednesday for the rest of the week for the holidays. Meaning that this may be about the only bit of Possumblog you get for this week, so I will leave you this, which was written by my 10 year old daughter Rebecca for an assignment in class last week:

My Thankfulness

I have many things I'm thankful for. I am thankful for my home, family, and friends. These are the most important things I'm thankful for.

My home is one of the most important things I'm thankful for. My home is very warm, and it has good protection. I am very thankful to live in a warm place.

My family is one other thing that is very important to me. They take care of me and love me a whole lot! The also believe in me.

My friends are the last most important things that I am thankful for. My friends always care about me. They also are good people to talk to.

My home, family, and friends are the best things in my life. They are all good things to be thankful for. I am so glad I have these things to be thankful for!

In case I don't get back to blogging this week, have a joyous Thanksgiving at your home, with your family and friends.

posted by Terry at 11:39:00 AM