Good morning--sorry I'm late, but...

I had to go to the dentist AND take Tiny Tornado in for her very first checkup. It's been too long for me--since we moved a few years back, our old dentist is now highly inconvenient to get to, so we have neglected the health of our teef. Fortunately, there was little detrimental stuff found, at least for me. I have a broken filling that needs fixing, and Cat has 22 perfect little razor sharp fangs. The dentist said they even might be too perfect. Nice and white and neatly spaced, but spaced ever too close together, bringing on the specter of orthodontia. Hers are the best--the other kids will probably need them for sure. We'll find out when they go in with Mom on Monday--Reba will have to have a couple of crowns installed. Yikes. I'm sure it won't hurt a bit, and it only cost 500 bucks a crown. Thank goodness for dental insurance.

In any event, for it to be Catherine's first time, things went very smoothly. She got to meet Mr. Slurpy the Magical Oral Suction Device and got squirted in the maw with Mr. Water Gun, both of which delighted her to no end. The tooth goop was strawberry flavored, she got a toothbrush and toothpaste and had her entire head irradiated. I got similar treatment, except they have a new thing now instead of tiny stainless steel picks, which is a high-pressure water jet to loosen plaque. It was very nice, much like stopping in the middle of cleaning your sidewalks and jamming a 5 horsepower pressure washer wand inside your mouth. Ouch. Miss Aimee decided to go back to the archeological approach after having to peel me off the ceiling a couple of times.

The occasional electrifying pain of such work means that I would be much more lax about dental health if it were not for the fact that professional teeth cleaning is the one activity where I can guiltlessly nestle my head between the nicely tanned breasts of a woman not my wife, and on occasion even be asked to "turn toward me, please." It hardly gets better than that, even in America.

We got through and got the bill settled up, and Cat went back to tell everyone in the office 'bye and then it was off to check her in to kindergarten. She got her slip signed and I gave her a big kiss and watched her go around the corner and studiously prepare for her day. Stop at shelf, put backpack on peg, take out snack, put on shelf above peg, take out folder, go to door, turn around and give Daddy a 5000° Kelvin smile, open door and run in. ::sigh:: She sure is growing up.

Got here, signed in, answered some e-mail, was astonished by the traffic generated by one simple link by Tim Blair (thanks again!) and suddenly remembered that I have not assaulted you with the daily Alabama joke! Heavens to Murgatroid! Here we go with one sure to displease both rabid Alabama fans and PETA (so how bad can it be?!):

An Alabama racoon was ambling though the forest when suddenly he felt a trap snap shut on his leg. Try as he might, he could not get free, and began to cry. After a while, an Auburn racoon limped up and asked him what was wrong. "I is done got my lag caught up in this here trap, and I is gonna die!" The Auburn racoon said, "Well, friend, that there's a deep bad thang, but you doesn't has to die. I gots caught in one them traps, and I gots free by chewin' off mah leg. You do that, an' you'll get loose." And he went on his way for to steal some food.

Later toward dawn as the Auburn racoon was making his way back home after his night's activities, he came upon the poor Alabama racoon still in the very same spot in the very same trap. "Why friend! I thoughted I telled you to gnaw your lag off!" "O me," wailed the Alabama racoon, "I done did what you said, but when I didn't get loose after chewin' off three of 'em, I just gived up!"

Thanks everyone, thank you! I also wish to thank my technical advisor, Joel Chandler Harris.

posted by Terry at 10:24:00 AM