Fun With Referrer Logs, #12,063

Greetings to the recent visitor to The Possumblog Beauty Emporium and Dollar Store who arrived by Googling plump lips and improve their color at home,naturally. Well, naturally! My little tip is one I learned as a child...take a regular plastic (or glass) drinking cup and apply it gently to the area around your mouth. Create a vacuum inside the cup by sucking in with your mouth until the cup adheres tightly to your face. Leave in place until your mom comes in and yells at you to stop. When you remove the cup and run and look in the bathroom mirror, you will see that your lips are nice and plump and full of rich, natural red blood cells. Apply a bit of concealer to the ring around your mouth, and you are set for the evening. (A drawback is that the results are not permanent, and need to be refreshed periodically. If you are out for a hot evening at a restaurant, you can use your wine glass, but if you are at a lower cost establishment or one which has more of a roadhouse atmosphere, we do not recommend trying the procedure with a beer bottle.)

Next up, a studious person trying his best to find out information about soccer moms naughty, and had to search all the way to result number 267! (Two Hundred Sixty Seven!) before finally landing in the safe confines of Possumblog.

Well, friends, this is one area in which I am well versed. Please avert your gaze if you are sensitive about reading tales of extremely naughty soccer moms...

I remember as if it were just last month (because it was) that I was confronted with one such person at the soccer park. She was tall and blonde, with a wicked looking 1998 Dodge Caravan Sport. And she parked RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE "NO PARKING" SIGN!!! Can you believe how naughty that was?! I almost said something to her about it.

And then, there was the voluptuous brunette who leaned up against the wall of the concession stand--the filmy gauze of her blouse playing gently in the wind across her alabaster skin, ALONG WITH THE SMOKE FROM HER CIGARETTE!!! Good grief, everyone KNOWS the whole Sports Complex is no smoking, and there she was just naughtily puffing away! Sheesh! And don't even get me started on the time that Breck Girl Mom left a water bottle on the field!

Bad, BAD soccer moms!

UPDATE: This just in to the Possumblog Institude of Biblical Antiquities---a bewildered visitor searching for antedeluvian map of alabama. It just so happens we have an original copy of a map produced by Ham, one of Noah's sons and the inventor of barbecue, which very clearly shows the way Alabama looked prior to the Great Deluge. It is startling in its clarity and detail, including the nice border of Alabama symbols, such as the yellowhammer and the long leaf pine, and it has a picture of Governor George C. Wallace. The map came to us via our Irish correspondent Pat Slagging, who had made a trip to Istanbul earlier in the year and purchased it in a drunken fit from a trusted Turkish dealer in Noahic memorabilia. We are in the process of verifying the age and provenance of this exciting find, but preliminary analysis of the inscription at the bottom "This map of Alabama was drawn by Ham, son of Noah" rendered in blue ink most certainly points to its genuine nature. In addition, the ancient age of the map can be verified by the fact that Talledega Motor Speedway is not shown. Truly, an exciting acquisition, and one we will soon release to the public in framed versions, along with a Certificate of Authenticity expertly printed on a real laser printer. Call today to have your name placed on the waiting list!
posted by Terry at 1:25:00 PM