[...] … that while I was online reading about the changes at AOL Time Warner -- how synergy had not yet been achieved and how broadband had proved to be narrow indeed -- my computer failed.

It all revolves around Richard. But, I’m missing the irony somehow.

Something happened to the Internet or to the cable or to the computer itself.

Why not call Al Gore? Shoot, he invented the darn thing. I’m sure he can fix it.

Now, before I get more angry e-mails pointing me to this defense of Al Gore, let me just note that Al did in fact say, “During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet.” Now, while it is true that it’s a small stretch this to say amounts to Al claiming to have truly invented the Internet in lieu of people like Vint Cerf, it is quite indicative of a mindset of which Al Gore and many others suffer – that all it takes is a command from official Washington to make things happen. This is nonsense. If it were even close to true, then why don’t our fearless leaders from either party by executive, legislative, or judicial fiat just wipe out cancer, poverty, hunger, AIDS, red tides, termite damage, oil spills, gang slayings, racial hatred, and global warming; reverse the depletion of fish stocks and the extinction of species; raise literacy rates; explain the inability of the Terry McAuliffe to tell the truth; eliminate soil erosion, acid rain, global warming, and any comets that might strike the earth in the next 100,000,000 years?

Why? Because it doesn’t work that way! And listening to Al Gore letting it rip, it’s clear that he still doesn’t understand this.

A technician was summoned, promised somewhere between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. You know what happened. The guy never showed.

Summoned. Not hired, called, requested or commissioned, but summoned. Fetch hither the technician! But if the technician had shown up and repaired Richard’s thingymabob, with a tug of the forelock and a “by your leave”, he could move on to the next self-important blowhard who cannot understand the technology he depends on for his livelihood.

I am now in my third week of major, severe and non-synergetic computer hell.

Wheras, I am completing the equivalent of my 21st week perambulating around the nether regions of the illiberal utopian statist ring of hell that Richard Cohen calls home. Virgil has deserted me and I’m afraid that Beatrice hasn’t turned up yet.

I have had a technician out three times.

The number of technicians called out shall be three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number of technicians called out and the number of technicians called out shall be three. Four technicians shall not be called out, nor either shalt thou call out two technicians, excepting that thou then proceed to call out the third technician. Five technicians are right out.

I have spent whole days -- I am not exaggerating --

Why would anyone think that about something Richard Cohen would write?

… with The Washington Post's crack technical staff, good people all.

Perhaps Brendan O’Neill needs to stop criticizing amateur bloggers and start looking at the drivel produced by the professionals.

No one -- and I do mean no one -- can figure out what is wrong.

Well, at least no one in Richard’s circle of A-list partygoers. Perhaps Stacy Tabb could help, even if she isn't a member of The Washington Post's crack technical staff, she's still good people.

At times like this, I long for my old Royal typewriter. [...]