In an apparent homage to the new Scooby Doo movie (I have been lucky thus far that daughter #1 hasn't even asked to see it -- must be the hormonal induced confusion of her dodecitude), it's time to get out the virtual Ouija board again as Richard Cohen conjures up the spirit of his grandfather to lay down some conventional wisdom on us homeys. Word. You down wit dat dog?

I’m back now. Woo, I was channeling Biggie there for a minute. Either that or I had a momentary delusion induced by the vast number of Captain of Industry™ children's fingers covered with Laissez Faire™ sauce I've been munching on, washed down by mass quantities of Sweat of Their Brow™ suds, the favorite of all of us capitalist, bourgeoisie, pig-dog exploiters of the proletariat, or so the bastards here would have you think.

You see, I am a dedicated, dyed in the wool, free market, libertarian-minded capitalist – and I make no apologies for believing in the power of the invisible hand. Big Dick Cohen, on the other hand, is back to parroting Little Dick Gephardt and his class warfare nonsense, wanting the great unwashed masses to swallow that being successful is all about luck. Being rich just means that you won life’s lottery, so there’s nothing wrong with the government taking it all back when you die, or preventing you from getting it in the first place.

I guess I missed the Good Citizen of the World™ memo that changed part of the Declaration of Independence from “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” to “life, liberty and happiness.” In Richard Cohen’s illiberal utopian state, there are no risks that the government cannot, nay, must not, mitigate! And without risk, there is no need for reward, hence any recompense above the “average” wage is sinful and counter to the needs and society! Under these circumstances, it will be much easier to justify passing laws taking away the freedom of men and women to charge what the market will bear for their services. By fiat, Richard and his merry band of illiberal utopian statists can raise everyone to an average wage, thus eliminating the wage disparity between men and women, majorities and minorities, the short and the tall, the abled and the differently abled, the inexperienced and the experienced, the good and the bad, the great and the awful, the hard-working and the slothful, and they will love Richard for it!

Or not.

I only wish I had the knowledge and skills of Elizabeth Spiers or Megan McArdle to properly roast Richard’s hoary chestnuts. But since I stopped as an Economics major as a sophomore so many, many years ago (looks like it's the University of Illinois!), play along as I do a few riffs on Risky Business, a concept Richard Cohen struggles mightily with in Casino Capitalists [...]