Speaking of breakfast, via a very upset Axis of Weevil Ambassador to Yankeeland Marc Velazquez at Spudlets, we find this FOX News throwaway about wimmen and manners, and particularly a new book co-authored by Honore McDonough Ervin and Lesley Carlin, Things You Need to Be Told: A Handbook for Polite Behavior in a Tacky, Rude World! This pair also have a website called etiquettegrrls.com. From the FOX article, we read this graph:

[...] The authors have also encountered accusations of snobbery. Giles was taken aback when the host of a Boston radio show said, "I can tell you right now I'm not a lady and I'm proud of it," during a live interview.

Ervin said these criticisms are due to the "misperception out there that having good manners is only for rich people," and said her advice for women, like not to eat grits or ask a man out on a date, gives people "the information they need to know regardless of income bracket."[emphasis mine]

Hoping against hope that she was somehow quoted out of context, I went to the Etiquette Girls' website and found this little screed, in which we find out that these girls are...Yankees. Well, gee, that's a surprise. And yes, in the opening paragraphs, she does indeed excoriate the eating of the noblest of all corn byproducts.

We then get to the final paragraph, in which all the stops are pulled out:

Also, inexplicably, all the radio stations seem to feel the need to play "Sweet Home, Alabama" at least once every half-hour. This puzzles EG, as C--- isn't located anywhere near Alabama! EG shudders to think how much Skynyrd one would be subjected to if one actually lived in Alabama. (Note to self: Never, ever, go to Alabama.)

EG could go on and on, Dear Readers, about her Adventures in the South, but she thinks that the point is Abundantly Clear; the South is nowhere the EGs or Their Readers should be living on a Permanent Basis. EG is hungry, in constant danger of Bodily Harm, sans New Clothes, lonely, and sober. And this, Dear Readers, is Tragic. EG eagerly awaits the day when she can return to Civilization; in the meantime, she will be watching la poste for Care Packages containing the Necessities of Life.

Hmm. What can I say except...THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

I was all prepared to deliver a delightfully well-wrought spanking upon this good EG's well-toned bottom, but then realized that this was but a clever bit of Quaker gunnery! She rightfully understands that were she to speak the truth, the entirety of the South would be full up with her fellow-travellers from up yonder, and would absolutely ruin it for everyone. (I also suspect this is the true motive of Wanker writer and author of Wisden Cricketer's Almanac, Matthew Engel.)
posted by Terry at 9:23:00 AM