Tarheel Marc Checks In

Marc Velazquez, well known contributor to Lileks' Backfence and soon-to-be blogger, notes the link I posted yesterday about pessimists not having friends:

Pessimistic peers? Sounds like a bunch of PP to me! Any type of therapy/encounter groups for that? "My name is Spud and I'm a pessimist." "Hello Spud, not nice to meet you."

Marc's on to something here, folks! Pessimists Anonymous (which even though it has the initials of PA, has nothing whatsoever to do with the Palestinian Authority) is going to be the next big 12 Stepper! People will sign up, knowing full well that it will do no good, then will be resigned to their inability to become optimistic when they fail to complete any of the steps. Think of the late-night phone calls to sponsors--"Hey Saddam? Yeah, hey, Yasser here--look, I can't get out right now and I'm really bummed. I mean, it's almost enough to make me want to give up and be a productive part of society. Hmm? Yes, I know you have problems, too, but we're talking about me right now, 'k?"

Marc continues his thoughts with a note of great importance:

Tonight FoxTV will have a special on killer animals. The blurb below did not mention it specifically, but on the commercial I saw last night, they did show a killer possum baring his teeth and looking mean (it's hard to type with trembling fingers, just thinking about it). They lumped the killer possum on the same show with a 30 ft boa, attacking iguana, and a bear. MUST SEE TV!

[This is the blurb in question, from www.fox.com]

FOX SPECIAL:
WHEN ANIMALS INVADE YOUR HOME

MAN BESTS BEAST IN AN ALL-NEW SPECIAL 'WHEN ANIMALS INVADE YOUR HOME' FRIDAY, APRIL 26, ON FOX

Who are you going to call if a 200-lb. boa constrictor wraps itself around the rafters of your tool shed, or a sub-tropical iguana appears in your family room? What if a bear takes a swim in your pool? The lives of America's best and brightest animal control experts are chronicled in the one- hour special WHEN ANIMALS INVADE YOUR HOME Friday, April 26 (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. (SP-0246) (TV-PG; L)

WOW, it's just like seeing one of your kinfolks on COPS!!

But wait--this being America, I can't take rightful pride in such things, and have to put on the victim's mantle...

::clears throat, turns over soapbox, drains self of all humor::

How dare you FOX! Your ill-informed and species-ist tirade justs adds more fodder for the marsupialphobes out there. Is the toll of our dead brothers and sisters under the wheels of your gas-guzzling SUVs not enough? Is it not enough that we must scrounge for the scraps of the wealthy from garbage cans? "Best and brightest"? Again, the elitism is appalling! The clear implication is that you believe Didelphis virginiana not to be bright, not to be worthy of anything other than simple poss-ploitation! Oh, sure! You, with your FOXiness--you want to think you are clever, and agile, and have luxurious fur. Can YOU climb a tree?! Can YOU nurture your young in a nice furry pouch?! Can YOUR tail serve as a fifth hand?! No, NO, NO!

::climbs down from soapbox, scurries home to set VCR::
posted by Terry at 9:06:00 AM