In response to Mark Byron's interrogatory about the derivation of 'opening up a can of whup ass,' I offer the following:

The phrase "open up a can of whup ass," meaning to unleash an overwhelming beating upon a foe, actually has a form which predates Nicholas Appert's invention of canning in 1809. As far back as the Old Kingdom of Egypt, archeologists have found inscriptions which remark that those who disturb graves would be liable for punishment. In the tomb of Neferefre of the Fifth Dynasty, one inscription on a clay vessel has been interpreted as "I carry the curse of those who dare touch His treasures--You shall bear mightily upon your buttocks the flail of ten thousand servant men." Centuries later, a small amber flaggon of Minoan provenance was found inscribed with the legend "I am filled with the innumerable whippings of your hinder portions." A small scrap of vellum has been found among the early writings of the Essenes which appears to have been part of a much larger document. It reads in part "Place ye not new scourgings of the sitting-parts in old skins, but keep ye them in new bottles, which do not burst, that your enemies may be greatly smitten and shall be beaten down as the wheat before the storm. In this way keep ye the whippings and beatings of the rearmost upper thigh parts."

The greatest leap in the usage of this term was when ass, or arse, became used as slang for the buttocks, in addition to being the term for a donkey. This usage is attributed to William of Robert in 973 A.D., an ironmonger who berated an itinerant minstrel for sitting on his ass all day singing. The minstrel, not knowing his place and being filled with liquid spirits drawn from a small wooden cask, taunted William by raising himself from the saddle of his donkey and lowering his breeches so that his fleshy hams shone brightly in the direction of William. William, also known as Billy of Bob, severely thrashed the minstrel upon his buttocks with an ox goad to such an extent that it was days before the musician could once again sit on his ass. From that moment on, the whipping was attributed to the contents of the wooden cask and Billy of Bob would humorously reminded others not to "drink from the cask of whipping, or likewise you will not be able to sit upon your ass." Several iterations later, ass was taken as a substitute for buttocks, the phrase was shortened to "opening up a cask of ass-whipping," and the phrase experienced a subtle change of usage to indicate that the aggrieved party himself could go and get the cask full of ass-whippings and open it up upon the person of his choice. It is this sense in which the modern phrase is used.

As noted previously, canning was invented in 1809 by Nicholas Appert, and shortly thereafter ass-whipping in a can was developed, but it was not until just before the American Civil War that reliable canning allowed for whippings which would not go stale or moldy. Captured canned goods were particularly prized by Confederate forces, and the old phraseology was reinvigorated as Southern troops noted that they would eat the canned foods then "brang 'em back Nawth full o' fraish ass-whupping," as noted by a now forgotten dialect-style writer of the day.

The martial flair of the canned ass whipping taunt has been a rather strong constant, although Victorian sensibilities substituted the more genteel "tins of donkey striking" and "containers of upper-limb thrashing" during the latter colonial campaigns of the 19th Century. World War I brought back a more earthy tone to the phrase, and colorfully lithographed posters produced by the American Can Company and the Columbia Can Company and the National Can Company and the Abraham Lincoln Can Company and the Columbian-Transnational Can Company of America all promised to do their part to deliver to the Kaiser a wholesome and sanitary ass whipping.

Likewise, World War II saw the America's war machinery pump out billions of pounds of canned ass whipping, with civilians urged to "Save IT For the War!", "IT" being interpersonal disputes which could put a strain on the general rowdiness needed for front line troops in Europe and the Pacific. Ration coupons allowed for only two ass-whippings per month per household, although more were allowed for Marines, bartenders, coal miners, and typists. Even Hollywood was drafted to promote the war effort, as numerous films were made to boost morale, such as Open THIS, Tojo! starring Myrna Loy and George Raft and Here Adolph, Open THIS! with Gig Young and Jane Wyman.

With the coming of the Atomic Age and the building of the Iron Curtain across Europe, vast amounts of canned ass-whippings were stockpiled as part of America's Cold War civil defense network throughout the 1950s and '60s. With the new conflict in Viet Nam heating up, along with NASA's race to the moon, lighter weight materials and easier to use packaging made their way into America's homes, with mixed results. The Dehydrated ASStronaut Whip was briefly marketed by General Mills, with the notation that it was "The Same Product Used by the Mercury and Apollo Astronauts!" and "As Seen on TV!" The public, however, did not seem ready to abandon the tried and true canned product. "Tearing open a pouch of ass whipping" apparently just did not have the proper ring to it, even if it was orange flavored.

Seeing that the public liked the can, further refinements have been made, such as the pop-top can and the microwaveable container. With the explosive growth of televised wrestling, canned ass whippings reached "X-treme" levels in the 1990's, with World Wrestling Federation star "Stone Cold" Steve Austin warming the hearts of America with his oft-repeated threats to open up a can.

As America moves into the 21st Century, The Can is still going strong and a new Internet Generation has embraced it. Now, there are electronic virtual cans, or v-cans, and one company even promotes a TINY WIRELESS X-10 CAN! But even in the face of the technological onslaught, there is still a place in America's homes for a good, old-fashioned can of hot-headed physical punishment.

So then, Mark Byron, there is your answer.
posted by Terry at 4:34:00 PM