Axis of Weevil Growing--Soon We'll Have Our Own Currency and Inneffectual Military Establishment
Mac Thomason, War Liberal, forwarded me yet another candidate for inclusion in the Dixie Blog League, the Sine Qua Non Pundit Charles Austin. Mac relates that Mr. Austin sojourned in our fair state for a few years way back in the 1990s, although he is now stationed in Saint Louis, Em Oh. (Not Tennessee, as I had earlier thought--which means much excitement for Austin.)

I contacted Charles last night and asked if he would consider being associated with us Cotton Staters and he agreed. I am still anxiously awaiting the details of his time spent here, but in the meantime, we will be sending Charles his Axis of Weevil Gift Pack of Dreamland ribs; Jim Dandy grits; a gallon jug of Milo's sweet tea; a gun rack from Mark's Outdoor Sports for his pickup; a package of Bubba's Beef Jerky (according to Dr. Weevil, this is homemade and is available only at the gas station at the end of Highway 82 in Bibb County); and a coupon for free underpinning for his trailer.

One gift we usually include for people outside the South is a package of four comely, busty co-eds who shave their legs and wear makeup--this was a special addition for Dr. Weevil who lives in Maine where such things are not common. UPDATE: I originally reported that The Sine Qua Non Pundit was still in the South, and that he may choose to decline this portion of the package to allow it to be sent to a more needy member of the diaspora. HOWEVER now that I have been corrected by the man from the Show Me State, I know his severe plight and will send them that way immediately. Returning now to the original text of this post, we understand that the inclusion of this item may lead to some consternation among our potential female members: we ask you not to worry--you may substitute a four-pack taken from any men's college gymnastics team in the state. (Sorry, due to state law, we are unable to provide mixed-sex packages, or packages the same sex as the recipient.)

Some of you may be wondering what it takes to become members of this illustrious crew. The primary qualifications are these:

1) Born in, or now live in, or once lived in, or would like to live in, Alabama;
2) Not ashamed to admit to #1;
3) Staunchly anti-idiotarian, or can at least pretend pretty good
4) Functionally literate
5) Don't type in ALL CAPS or all e.e. cummings case or MiXeD.
6) Update your blog more than once a month
7) Willing to be made fun of
8) Willing to make fun of yourself
9) Have a framed picture of John Moses Browning
10) Personal library must contain more books than you will ever read
11) Must be able to recite Monty Python and the Holy Grail and give an episode synopsis of all Andy Griffith shows from memory
12) Your pickup truck must be in good working order--use of ether to get it started is not recommended, but will be allowed on a case-by-case basis

That's about it. However, like Calvinball, the rules may change in the middle of the game. Think you got what it takes? Send me a note.
posted by Terry at 10:09:00 AM