Not in the clamor of the crowded street, not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, but in ourselves, are triumph and defeat.--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
REDIRECT ALERT! (Scroll down past this mess if you're trying to read an archived post. Thanks. No, really, thanks.)
Due to my inability to control my temper and complacently accept continued silliness with not-quite-as-reliable-as-it-ought-to-be Blogger/Blogspot, your beloved Possumblog will now waddle across the Information Dirt Road and park its prehensile tail at http://possumblog.mu.nu.
This site will remain in place as a backup in case Munuvia gets hit by a bus or something, but I don't think they have as much trouble with this as some places do. ::cough::blogspot::cough:: So click here and adjust your links. I apologize for the inconvenience, but it's one of those things.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
I was just now standing here--
--in the lush, shag-carpeted swankiness that defines the Axis of Weevil World Headquarters building, absentmindedly stroking my marble bust of Bach (Catherine), when suddenly Chet the E-Mail Boy burst through the door.
After yelling at him to remove his grease-stained coveralls (he has been in the back pasture trying to figure out how to pull the rear wheel hub off of our Mercury Tracer company vehicle), I inquired as to the purpose for his interruption.
Excitedly, he shoved a paper into my hand, the smell of ink from the press still fresh upon it.
Poor, poor woman.
Here is her story:
Oh, sure. That’s what they all say…
By the by, Chet mentioned that the original message had all sorts of hearts and smiley faces around the word “Tuscaloosa” and at the end of various paragraphs--symbols that he was hard-pressed to reproduce either in Morse code or hot type. I told him his inadequacy was understandable, although it would be reflected in his performance evaluation.
To continue, our applicant has reproduced and responded to the Official Membership Rules for entry into the Yellowhammer Invective Guild: Hmmm, lots of moving around--sounds like SOMEone’s been in placed in the Witness Protection Program. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I believe I might be too late, but that is neither here nor there. I have several comments about this paragraph, but the most important is this--cole slaw is NOT to be put on a sandwich, unless you are trying to show people how silly it looks.
Onward, then: ::sigh:: Well, I suppose it’ll have to do, won’t it. I mean, you figure someone in accounting should know how to do summing, but the rest of it seems a bit suspect. Only partly--the rest I attribute to being nearly being eaten by a raccoon as a child. Yep, that should be a lot more reliable… He said he didn’t know you, but he might just be trying to live down the shame of having lived in Tuscaloosa. I don’t know--I’m still kinda worried about my last crack about Tuscaloosa causing our applicant to come unglued. ANYway-- Yes, but he was designed the Colt 1911, so it’s obvious that our trusty inductee must put aside her prejudices and do the right thing. Well, everyone has to make a living. After Happy Days, he had to have something to do. ::wistful sigh:: Well, that settles it!
I dismissed Chet to go finish the car, because he’s got a delivery to make!
IN KEEPING WITH THE GRAND AND GLORIOUS TRADITION of the assemblage of souls known collectively as the Alabama Tole Painting and Recoil Fanciers Society, and by the power granted to me by Maynard, the evening-shift head cook at the Prattville Waffle House, it is with GREAT PLEASURE that we do hereby induct and install one Lee Ann Leach DiVergigelis (nee Roberson) into the Axis of Weevil, with all of the normal heartache and woe concomitant thereto, having, as she has, more or less successfully filled out her membership application, and in addition, having, as she does, the longest name of any blogger on the whole list, necessitating a complete reworking of the list just to get her name on there.
Lee Ann also sent along an additional note, which reads: Some folks just have a lot of time on their hands, I suppose.
IN ANY EVENT, congratulations--or condolences--Miss Lee Ann on this high honor!
As with all new members of the Axis of Weevil, you will be receiving your very own World Famous Axis of Weevil Gift Pack, containing a rack of Dreamland ribs, a gallon jug of Milo’s sweet tea; a G-Lox Wedgee gun rack from Mark’s Outdoor Sports for your pickup truck, a package of Bubba’s Beef Jerky (according to Dr. Weevil, this is homemade and is available only at the gas station at the end of Highway 82 in Bibb County); a three piece, 24 ounce box of Priester’s Pecan Logs; a box of Jim Dandy grits; a 16 ounce bottle of Dale’s Steak Sauce; AND a six pack of Buffalo Rock Ginger Ale!
AND THAT’S NOT ALL! Jimmy (who, as you all should know by now, is not Jimmy from Accounting, but rather Jimmy from next door, who has a condition), has agreed to produce a new line of lovely gift products for all new 2005 inductees!
Jimmy has in the past made some lovely handmade artwork as a sort of therapy for his condition (which he says is doing pretty well right now, now that his aunt has quit pestering him about finding the Victoria’s Secret catalog in his pants drawer in October, thank you for asking), tells me that he envisions producing a life-size sculpture of Bear Bryant from the discarded pizza boxes he keeps in the garage, as well as future undertakings using other famous celebrities such as Junior Johnson or Toby Keith.
It promises to be quite a spectacle.
Anyway, go welcome the newest member of the club. Or warn her.
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