Not in the clamor of the crowded street, not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, but in ourselves, are triumph and defeat.--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

REDIRECT ALERT! (Scroll down past this mess if you're trying to read an archived post. Thanks. No, really, thanks.)

Due to my inability to control my temper and complacently accept continued silliness with not-quite-as-reliable-as-it-ought-to-be Blogger/Blogspot, your beloved Possumblog will now waddle across the Information Dirt Road and park its prehensile tail at http://possumblog.mu.nu.

This site will remain in place as a backup in case Munuvia gets hit by a bus or something, but I don't think they have as much trouble with this as some places do. ::cough::blogspot::cough:: So click here and adjust your links. I apologize for the inconvenience, but it's one of those things.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Given my well-known depth and breadth of knowlege about all things under the sun--

Oft times people will seek out Possumblog, having as they do questions of great philosophical for which they can find no answer elsewhere. It is obviously a great burden for me to have to know everything, but it is one that I must shoulder out of my profound sense of noblesse oblige. I have a gift, and I must share it with the world.

SO IT IS, that once again, an intrepid traveler upon the crackling and buzzing ethereal information network (that I like to call "the Internet") has come knocking on our door with a query of great importance: The reason for inventing soccer.

It is a question as old as soccer itself, and one wrapped in a tangle of false ideas and misinformation. Allow me, your noble host, to enlighten you all.

Soccer was invented as a way to give lesser civilizations (i.e. people other than Americans) something they could feel pride in being able to master.

God, being really smart, granted Americans the ability and deep mental powers necessary to appreciate and conquer football, but He didn't want His other creatures to feel left out. So, He allowed those other people to come up with a nice, simple game that was suitable for their level of societal sophistication.

It obviously has worked very well, as countries where soccer is popular take enormous pleasure in pointing out how popular it is, and how good they are at playing it. Americans, being so much smarter, just nod and smile and act like all the inferior peoples are actually worth listening to, and when they leave, we all laugh at them behind their backs for being so silly.

And so, that is why soccer was invented. I am glad to have been of service to you.

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