You know what the Axis of Weevil needs?

A SUBMARINE! Or, failing that, a former 6-D bubblehead such as Mr. Hardskillz, publisher of the well-known uncapitalized hard times blog.

Skillzy, who has been blogging for a long time, and who is a War Eagle fan, and who now lives in Alabama, for some reason has NEVER been approached about being inducted into the Alabama Lieing and Recoil Consortium, better known as the Axis of Weevil. How this oversight came to be is the subject for later Congressional investigations, but it seems good to the Talent-Search Staff here at the palatial Axis of Weevil World Headquarters Building and Candle Shop that this greivous error should be forthwith addressed and rectified and made right and all.

Having read his autobiography, the Registrar's office feels certain that Skillzy fully and completely complies with almost every single one of the Official Rules for Membership, but more importantly, he knows how to make the little propeller thingie on the back end of the boat twirl around. That's good, because once we DO get a submarine, we need it to actually move.

SO THEN, by the power vested in me by Gloria, the temp at the The Alabama Marine Patrol office on Lay Lake, with a loud blast upon the bosun's whistle and a hearty cheer, The Cotton State Debating Society does hereby hit Skillzy over the head with a wrench and drag him into our brother-and-sisterhood, with all the wonderful advantages and benefits accruing thereto.

As with all new inductees, Skillzy will be receiving the World Famous Axis of Weevil Gift Pack, containing: a slab of Dreamland ribs, a gallon jug of Milo's sweet tea; a G-Lox Wedgee gun rack from Mark's Outdoor Sports for his pickup truck, a package of Bubba's Beef Jerky (according to Dr. Weevil, this is homemade and is available only at the gas station at the end of Highway 82 in Bibb County); a three piece, 24 ounce box of Priester's Pecan Logs; a box of Jim Dandy grits; a 16 ounce bottle of Dale's Steak Sauce; AND a six pack of Buffalo Rock Ginger Ale!

Luckily, Skillzy lives right here in town, so even though we're still having trouble with the 2-3 upshift on the Pinto, both Chet the E-Mail Boy AND Junior have packed everything up in the back and have set off for his house. They should be there in a day or two.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! As you all know, Jimmy (from next door, not Jimmy from Accounting) has long been creating various artistic gifts for our new members as a sort of therapy for his "condition." [By the way, he thanks those who have inquired--he is not doing so well lately, because his aunt found out that Lori from the Dollar Store had been over to see him twice, and she didn't know, and they were in the garage for at least an hour each time. So she said that Lori wasn't welcome AT ALL. So, Jimmy has had something of a relapse.] ANYway, Jimmy was very excited to hear the news about our new submarine, so as his extra special gift for Skillzy, he has decided to create a life-size portrait of Clark Gable as Commander 'Rich' Richardson in Run Silent, Run Deep, composed entirely of sardine can labels! Sure to be one of his better efforts, I'm sure.

SO then, all of you go over and welcome Skillzy!
posted by Terry at 2:51:00 PM