New Year, New Weevil

If you have been reading along (as you should) over at Miss Susanna's site, you will know that she has decided to leave the murky confines of Noo Joisey for the lovely land of Alabam. Which can only mean one thing--another move is now required.

WHEREAS Susanna has been proven herself over and over to be fully compliant with all the other burdensome and heavy-handed requirements for entry into the Cotton States Quilting and Recoil Society, and

WHEREAS she has now fulfilled the foremost qualification, namely, taking the brave and necessary step of obtaining passage across the border of Alabama, and

WHEREAS she has not objected to her name being moved from one spot in the list to another, and

WHEREAS it has been weeks since a new member was added, and

WHEREAS...ah, where was I? Anyway,

THEREFORE let it be HEREWITH RESOLVED, by the power vested in me by Mickey, the guy who's painting my house this week, that one Susanna Cornett, famed authoress of Cut on the Bias is hereby inducted and otherwise encumbered into the dreaded and ever-so-odd Yellowhammer Tract Society, otherwise known around the world as the Axis of Weevil, with all of the deprivation and sickness pertaining thereto.

Congrats, Miss Susanna, and as with all new members, you will be receiving your very own World Famous Axis of Weevil Gift Pack, containing a slab of Dreamland ribs, a gallon jug of Milo's sweet tea; a G-Lox Wedgee gun rack from Mark's Outdoor Sports for your pickup truck, a package of Bubba's Beef Jerky (according to Dr. Weevil, this is homemade and is available only at the gas station at the end of Highway 82 in Bibb County); a three piece, 24 ounce box of Priester's Pecan Logs; a box of Jim Dandy grits; a 16 ounce bottle of Dale's Steak Sauce; AND a six pack of Buffalo Rock Ginger Ale!

These will be sent to you just as quickly as we can get the Pinto started. Mitzi used it last week to take her Christmas tree to the dump, and it got high-centered on a rock and tore a small leak in the oil pan that she didn't know about until she got back and parked it by the dumpster where it left a big puddle after sitting for about four hours which Tim didn't see when he cranked it back up because it was dark and we think it might have either spun a rod bearing or something else because it sure does shake a lot but we fixed the oil pan with some JB Weld so it will hold oil but we have to first get it over to Randy at the Shell station to look at. Chet the E-Mail Boy volunteered to let his lady friend Miss Nelda bring it, but she smokes like a foundry and it makes everything stink when you let her carry anything for you. But it will get there soon, we promise.

BUT WAIT, there’s more!

As we all know, Jimmy from next door (not Jimmy from Accounts Payable) has been doing decorative crafts for new members as therapy for his "condition." During the past few weeks, he has been very down about the new year, seeing as how it ends with a four (his lucky number is three) and according to his aunt has not really been doing too well. I just spoke to him across the fence, though, and he perked up at the possiblity of creating a brand new artwork suitable for Susanna.

Hoping to give her a small remembrance of her homeland which she can use to comfort her during any lingering bouts of homesickness, Jimmy has taken it upon himself to create a mosaic tableau of the cast of the hit HBO series "The Sopranos" on a 4 x 8 sheet of plywood using nothing but cleverly cut-up frozen dinner boxes!

So, best wishes all around for a happy start to the new year! (Just be sure not to leave anything in the refrigerator too long because Michelle gets all freaked out and starts throwing everything out.)

Now then, everyone be sure and say hey to the newest member.

posted by Terry at 12:13:00 PM