Another one.

Long week, that is. It’s been sort of a blur—and promises to continue being one. Boy has his soccer practice tonight, then there’s a couple of soccer games tomorrow, and then there’s other junk that must be done about which I know only that I am going to be the one to have to do it.

I did find out a handy tip this week. Do you have paper grocery sacks full of old magazines that you really don’t want to throw away? Do you have old jugs of bug killer you need to get rid of? Do you spend all of your weekend time doing things other than throwing away old magazines and insecticide? Well, let me tell you what you do…let GRAVITY work for YOU! That’s right, just stack up that sack of magazines on top of an unstable pile of junk, directly over those old jugs. Allow to sit for a time sufficient to allow the MIRACLE OF GRAVITY to pull that sack down on top of the jugs, which will turn over, split, and release their contents all over the magazines, as well as the garage floor.

This environmental crisis AUTOMATICALLY causes the disposal of icky bug killer and dusty magazines to vault to the TOP of the ol’ honey-do list, and your messy old mess gets cleaned up—JUST! LIKE! THAT!

That happened Tuesday—walked into the garage when I got home and was nearly knocked flat by the rich, fruity aroma of liquid Dursban. Was also met by a tumult of anxious souls wanting the pater familias to do something other than stand there and say, “boy howdy, that sure does stink.”

The whole affair took a much more ominous turn when the magazines were ones I really DIDN’T want to get rid of—some early-90s commemorative magazines, a catalog of neat crafts from about 1979, a couple of car books. Thankfully, they didn’t get doused (much) so I snuck them into a different place, safe from the clutches of gravity.

Not so lucky were two old string mops that I didn’t even know we had—they did soak up lots of bug killer, so I guess they served their purpose. Being a child of parents who grew up during the Depression, I couldn’t bear to throw two whole mops away, and was overjoyed to see that these, although cheap, had removable handles!

I have my own buck-and-a-quarter quarterstaffs!! Now I can practice my Matrix-inspired kendo skills!! Or go snow skiing! Or hiking! Or fishing! Or whale hunting! (After they’re sharpened, of course.) I can build an exceedingly heavy kite! I can whack at high-hung pinatas! I could poke a nail in the end, put on an black and white striped jumpsuit and orange vest, and pretend to be a convict picking up trash!

Hmm?

No. I’d rather not mop, thank you.

(You can see why it takes so long to get me to do anything—lots of time spent figuring out ways to waste time doing anything else than the task at hand.)

Anyway, it’s about time to go off and weekend some more. All of you have a good weekend, and I’ll see you Monday.

OO! OO!! I know! I could perform the world’s shortest pole vault! Or maybe I cou…
posted by Terry at 4:26:00 PM