Oh. Boy.
Gender imbalance: Dallas County women flex massive muscles in choirs, on jobs and around town where ...

A good man is hard to find

CARLA CROWDER
News staff writer

SELMA -- Church choirs are heavy on the sopranos here. Light on bass.

Women sell car parts. Women sell power tools. Women even outnumber the male employees at Walter Craig, an enormous gun store.

Single guys sure are persnickety. Not women. Some just give up and move away in search of male companionship.

A good man is hard to find in Dallas County. There are only 77 men here for every 100 women, according to the 2000 Census, the greatest testosterone shortage in Alabama.

Is it just me, or does this sound like it has the makings of a brand new reality show? Maybe send in some nice Yankee guy to get mauled by desperate Dallas Countiettes.

Naaaah, to make it more interesting, they would probably have to make it more difficult than that--maybe send in a midget Slovakian lesbian nuclear scientist or something. (Boy, am I gonna get some weird search hits now.)

"We're in trouble," said Ashley Edwards, an Auburn student from Selma.

Loretta Osborne had a different view: "I say the men are in trouble. They're outnumbered."

OOOooooooWHEEE!!--looks like a catfight brewing!!

Both women pondered their hometown gender imbalance on a recent Tuesday at Debbie's Shear Talent, a hair salon on the north side of Selma.

Owner Debbie Veach insisted she cuts lots of male heads. Not on this day. Only three men on the books. And 18 women.

"You look around in this town and you're going to see ten times more women," Veach said.

For all you single guys, here's the map to the salon.

It's not a problem for her, she's been married 12 years. Veach met her husband right in Dallas County, and says the dating situation is far from hopeless.

"If you go to the river here, that's where you'll find a man because they all fish," Veach said. "I caught the big one. And I caught a good one."

Remember this, guys: Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Indeed, the banks of the Alabama River appear fertile for more than just crappie and blue gill. Two pickup spots have earned the nicknames "Little Miami" and "Fort Lauderdale," say the lunchtime chatters gathered in the courthouse probate office.

You know, there's an old joke about Adam and Eve and the river that I'm just NOT going to tell.

"My husband's got boat fever, that ought to tell me something," said Chief Probate Clerk Suzanne Ingram, who was unfamiliar with the riverside courting spots. She was however, familiar with two women in their 60s who fled Selma to Alabama towns known to have more eligible fellas.

Towns, you will note, which are not named. Mighty suspicious, if you ask me. And I think if I was Mrs. Ingram, I'd be putting the quietus on that boat deal right quick.

Dallas County men still complain. Apparently, the plethora of women gives them license to be choosy.

Take Ray Hogg's rule. If he was still single, Hogg announced in the probate office, "I'd use the two river rule."

You've got to go past two rivers, the Alabama and the Tombigbee to find quality. That puts you in Montgomery, he says.

Of course, it's cheaper just to put in an ISDN line and order 'em off the Internet. I guess--I mean, I really don't know.

"There are serious quality issues here, people who are heavily recycled," said Stephen McLamb, a 38-year-old single man, who gave a nod to the two-river rule. [...]

No offense intended, Stephen, but don't you think it's a bit much for a single 38-year-old to blame quality control issues and intensive reuse for not being able to hook up? I mean, there's 1.29 women for every guy, right? Seems like you could at least find that point-two-niner and ask her out.

Residents of smaller outlying towns such as Orrville and Safford were surprised to learn about Dallas County's gender breakdown.

"I don't think so. If that's the case, I would have somebody," said Charles Johnson, a 44-year-old handyman repairing the floor at Oxford's, a grocery store that also advertises itself as a meat market. Signs outside the door remind customers: "Pants worn appropriately" and "Shirt required."

Johnson, pants worn appropriately, admits to being choosy.

"I don't think they carry themselves good enough for me," he said. [...]

Yep. Reckon prob'ly so.
posted by Terry at 1:58:00 PM