As Promised!!!

Early LAST week I promised you all the interesting addition of some tasty raw meat a new liberal member to fulfill our ongoing commitment to diversity and sensitivity and hand-holding and to have someone to buy us Dixie Chicks stuff so we don’t have to be seen doing it ourselves.

Now some of you may think this is rather shocking, but the Alabama Internet Writing Club and Quilting Society has absolutely no rule against liberals in the ranks, and in fact, some of the best things in life require leftists—NASCAR races all circle to the left, you wear your watch on your left wrist, the left lane is the fast lane, Tony Bennett never sang “My Heart’s Right in San Francisco”, you get up on a horse from the left, God loves a liberal giver, and as you know, the Left Behind books are real popular around here. Best of all, the left hand’s not supposed to know what the right’s doing, so everyone should get along just fine.

Anyway, we got this nice letter last week, and it is high time it was acted upon.

Mac Thomason referred me to you. I was just wondering if you would check out my blog and maybe link to it. You can put me in the 'Axis of Weevil' camp. The URL is: http://aminorityofone.blogspot.com

I think Blogger must be having some server capacity problems since they were bought out by Google as my page won't load on the first try sometimes. But really...there *is* a blog at that address, I promise! Thanks!

Michael Bowen

What a nice young man! But, again, having had some experience in the past with the more tender-skinned of those who are conservatively-challenged, I thought I might better advise him of what he might be getting into:

Hey Mike,

Thanks for writing--be glad to add you in, but be forewarned that Axis of Weevil members tend to be more than a little bit conservative--I've tried in the past to get some more liberal-minded folks to sign on, but they were rather put off by some of the folks on the roll. [Redacted portion describing the liberals which HAVE remained with the AoW—we do not wish to incite any unrest should anyone be ignored] so as long as you don't mind taking a dip in a swimming hole full of water moccasins, we'll be glad to have you. As with all potential AoW members, following are the OOOOOfficial Rules of Membership […]

Moments later came the reply--

Thanks for the link Terry. Yes, I'm finding out that being a liberal blogger in Alabama is a great way to be FLAMED on a regular basis.

HEE-hehehehe! ::snortcough:: I mean—That’s awful! Mean people suck.

I guess I'm really going to earn the title "A Minority of One." So be it...

And I actually do qualify for *most* of the rules. Thanks again and I'll be sure to drop in on Possumblog every once in a while.

- Mike B

Now who could deny the joys and benefits of membership in the Axis of Weevil to such a person!? (I have to admit that the link to Michael Moore’s site caused me to hyperventilate, but only because it reminds me once more of the slight the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences gave to Marty DiBergi by not awarding an Oscar to This is Spinal Tap as Best Documentary for 1984.)

SO THEN, by the power vested in me by the noted (and quite dead) Alabama socialist Helen Keller, the Cotton States Reptile Farm and Blog Writing Guild does hereby insert and install one Michael Bowen into the dreaded and formidable Axis of Weevil, with all of the rights, privileges, and heartache devolving thereto.

As with all new members, Michael will be receiving the World Famous Axis of Weevil Gift Pack, containing a slab of Dreamland ribs, a gallon jug of Milo's sweet tea; a G-Lox Wedgee gun rack from Mark's Outdoor Sports for his gigantic mud-grip-tired pickum-up truck, a package of Bubba's Beef Jerky (according to Dr. Weevil, this is homemade and is available only at the gas station at the end of Highway 82 in Bibb County); a three piece, 24 ounce box of Priester's Pecan Logs; a box of Jim Dandy grits; a 16 ounce bottle of Dale's Steak Sauce; AND a six pack of Buffalo Rock Ginger Ale.

In addition to these wonderful items, Michael will receive one of our friend Jimmy's painted rocks (this is the guy-from-next-door Jimmy-not Jimmy in Accounting) to place at the end of his new driveway. As you all should remember, Jimmy (whose “condition” has been hampered by the constant rain lately) has branched out in his rock-painting business, and is now doing celebrity likenesses--he says the favorites so far are Shania Twain, Jesus, and his brother Todd. He has several of new Alabama head coach Mike Shula, also, but these are a bit iffy, because you can still see Mike Price under the top coat of paint.

Anyway, Mike, be sure to stop by Personnel to get your identification card made, and let Thelma in Purchasing sew the big scarlet letter L on your jacket.
posted by Terry at 10:08:00 AM