Act III in the festering saga of MRS HANJI MARIEY SAL of the AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING UNIT. FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT. ONE OF THE INTERNATIONAL BANK IN COTE D IVOIRE versus The Idiotic Person She (Or He) Keeps E-Mailing

Well, this just keeps getting better and better. As you recall, over the weekend I received another in a growing list of African e-mail scam letters (promising me millions of unclaimed dollars from the estate of some dude who keeled over during the events of September 11), and decided for once to see what would happen if I answered back. The original letter and my dimwitted reply to it was posted on Monday, then I got another letter yesterday, which got a similar wildly brain-damaged response from my alter-ego.

And now, today, I have received another response.

Poor lady is apparently becoming miffed with the raging moron she has been corresponding with, and has started laying down the law about what he should do, and to quit playing around. In fact, she (or he) has gotten so mad that no longer is she MRS HANJI MARIEY SAL, but is now known as Mrs. Hanji. In any event, let's all take a look at her latest missive to the potential sucker she has hooked:

My Dear,
Your message still sound funny.Anyway i have choosen to trust you do the good record profile your country people have in the world today.

However,If you are shore that you want to carry out this transaction with me,as you said that your bank account cannot contain this money once,what your are to do is to open a non residence account in our bank with your name and the money transfer there first then from there you can now withdraw some to open an offshore accounts where all the money transfer immediately.

I am not here for joke but for business,this is what i want use to inprove my life and my familys so you sholdn't pray with it. I will like read the reply of this message first thing tomorrow morning in my office.

Thanks
Yours
Mrs Hanji

Well, now, this is just horrible. Poor Mrs. Hanji Sal or whoever think my message sound funny. Lucky for me, my country people have a good record profile. And again, she is only doing this to inprove her life and her familys, so I promise I will not pray with it. Let me see if I can give her a good reply of this message to read when she opens it in her office tomorrow:

DEAR MRS. HANJI ((I THOUGT YOURE NAME WAS MRS. SAL, BUT i GUESS IT DOES N'T MATTER)--

I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE SENDING ME MY MOENY FROM THAT POOR MAN WHO DIED IN TH WORL TRADE CENTER.. I THINK YOU ARE SO NICE TO FIND ME AND TRY TO HELP ME AND MY MOTHER AND MY AUTN. I AM VERY SORRY THAT YOU THIK MY LETTRS SOUND FUNNY BECUASE I TRY SOO HARD TO LIVE LIKE OTHRE PEOPEL DO AND IT NEVER FALES THAT POEPLE LAUHG AT ME AND SAY CRULE THINGS BECAUS OF THE PLATE IN THE SIDE OF MY HEAD.

IT DOES NOT HURT ANYMORE, BUT WHEN I FALLDOWN OR SOMETHIGN LIKE THAT SOMEIMES PEPOLE WILL STAIR AT ME. THE MEAN MAN WHO LIVES NEXT DOOR SSAYS THA T I GOT WHAT I DEZERVED BUT I DONT' THINK SO--DO YOU??! BUTT YOU CAN BEA SURE THAT YOU CAN TRUST ME BECUASE LIKE YOU SAID COUNTRY PEOPLE ARE GOOD AND KEEP GOOD RECRDS.

ANYW AY, I HAVE CLERED OUT A SPOT BESIDE THE SOFA FOR A NOTHER BOX FOR ALL TH EMONEY YOU ARE SENDING. i TOLD MISTRE HARRIS AT THE BANK THAT MY ACOUTN WAS TOO SMALL FOR ALL THE MONYE MRS. SAL HANJI IS SENDING TO ME AND THAT I HA D DECIDED TO GET A LITTEL REFRGHERATER BOX FROM WALMATR TO HOLD IT ALL. /. IT TAKES UP ALLL THE ROOM BETWWEN THE CHARES AND THE TELEVISHION BUT THAT WILL BE OKAY. MR. HARRIS LAUHGED AT ME WHEN I SAID I WAS GOIN TO HAVE HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS EXRTRA AND BE THE RICHES MAN IN TOWN. I TOLED MY OTHER NEIGBORH WHO HAS GOT NO CURTINS THAT I HAD DECIDDED TO GIVE HER SOME RELLY GOOD CURTAINS FROM MARTHA STEWEARTS AT KMART SO SHE WONT' HAVE TO CHANGE IN FROMT OF THE WENDOW AND SHE SAID SHE DID NOT MIND AND SHE ENJOUYED THE THRILL OF IT ALL, WHATEEVER THAT MIGHT MEEAN. HA.

ANYWAY, THE MAN WHO IS BUIDLING MOTHER'S RAMP SAID HE NEADED TO BE PAYED SOON AND I SIAD THAT IT WAS NOT PROBLIM FOR ME BECUASE I WAS GOING TO BE VERY RICH FROM ALL THE NEW MONEEY I WAS GETTING.

SINCE YOU ARE SENDIN ME MY MOENY, I WILL ONLEY ASK THAT YOU NOT LEAVE IT ON THE FRONT POARCH. WE HAVE A PACK OF DOGS WHO GET INTO EFERYBODYIES TRASH CANS AND STUFF AND STROW TRASH AROUND THE WHOLE NEIGHBROHOOD ANE IF THEY GET AHOLD OF THAT BIG BOX OF MONEY YOUR SENDING TO ME IT WIL LOOK JUST LIEK LAST SUNDAYS' NEWSPAPER WHICH THEY GOT AHOLD OFF AND TOAR UP. I DINDN'T GET TO READ THE PARADE MAGAZEIN OR NOTIING BECUASE THEY CHEWDE IT ALL TO PEICES. AND THEIR WAS CUPONS INT HERE FOR KMART TOO. MY AUNT SIAD SHE WAS GOING TO SHOOT ALL THEM DOGS BECUASE OF THE MESS THEY MAID AND SHE WUOULD TOO. SHE IS SOMETIME VERY CRABBY--HA HA. aCTUALLY, SHE HAD A CORT RETRAINING ORDER WHICH SAYS SHE CANT HAVE A GUN, AND WITH THE RIST BRACES SHE HAS TO WERE FOR HER CORPORAL TUNNLE SINDROME, SHE CA'NT HANDLE THE RE COIL. BUT YOU KNOW HOW THAT IS. I THINK ONCE SHE HAS HRE LIPPOSCUTION SHE WILL FEEAL BETER ABOUT HERSEFL AND HER ESTEAM WILL BE BETTER. SHE ONCE SAID SHE HATED HER HIPS, BUT I THINK SHE LOOKS JUST FINE.

I JUST WONTED YOU TO KKONW HOW MUCH BETTER OUR LIFES WILL BE ONCE YOU SEND ME ALL MY NEW MOENY -- EVEN THOU YOU ARE A COMPLEET STRANGLER I FEAL LIKE YOU RELLY CAR E ABOUT ME AND MY MOTHER. AND MY ANUT TO. NO ONE HAS EVER GIVE US BOXES OF MOENY BEFORE AND YOU ARE TOO BE COMMINDED FOR YOUR FINE WORK. I KNOW IF THAT POOR MAN WHO DIDE HAD ANY FAMILLY, THEY WUOLD WANT YOU TO BE THERE BANKER TOO JUST LIEK YOU ARE MINE. I KNOW IT MUST BE JUST LIEK WINING THE LOETTERY FOR ME, AND I PROMISE THAT I WILL SPEDN IT WISLEY. SO, BE SURE TO JSUT SEND IT ALL ON TO ME AND BE SUR ETO NOT PUT IT ON THE FRONT pOARCH YOU CAN LEAF IT ON TOP OF THE WASHING MACHINE IN THE UTILLITEY ROOM.

DO --NOT-- LOOK INTO MY BOX MARKED ""PERSONNAL"" BECUASE THAT IS WHERE I KEEP MY BERTH CERITIFICATE AND PASSPORT. AND IF MY MOTHER HAS BEEN WASHING CLOATHES, YUO MAY HAVE TO MOVE THE LONDRY BASKET OVER. DO NOT LET MY MEAN NEIEGHBOR SEE YOU GO ITNO THE UTILLITEY ROOM BECUAE HE WILL STEAL ALL OF MY MONEY. JUST LIKE BEFORE..

SO THIN, THANKS YOU AGIAN FOR BEING A GOOD BANKER AND HEPLEING ME AND MY FAMILEY OUT OF OUR DISDRESS--AND LIKE I KEEP ON SAYING ((COME ON MONEY))!!

YOUR NEWEST FREIND

Gee, I wonder what Mrs. Hanji will have to say to that?
posted by Terry at 2:54:00 PM