Extending Alabama's Cultural Hegemony, One Blog at a Time

Mister Small Taters Marc Velazquez decided he did not have enough misery in his life, and after seeing that the Axis of Weevil is ecumenical in its membership, wrote the following:

I reviewed the Axis of Weevil qualifications and think I make it. Would wanting to live on the vast AL coastland, say near Mobile, be acceptable?

Physical residency is not an absolute requirement. Qualification 1) states, in part, that merely the desire of the applicant to live in Alabama is fine, so long as Qualification 2)--not being embarrassed to admit to #1) is fulfilled; so, this is acceptable.

My pickup has over 160,000 miles on it, still using the original clutch (do I get Weevil bonus points for that?).

Qualification 12) states only that your pickup should be in good working order--high mileage is not a detriment, and is considered a sign of mechanical aptitude if you are able to keep it running past 100,000 miles. The clutch wear is outstanding; another sign of the care and compassion common to all members of the Yellowhammer Cross-Stitch and Recoil Society. (Long time readers will recall that my own beloved Franklin carries in his green hide 255,000 miles, having had only one clutch replacement. As noted earlier, though, he really needs help with his colitis. Franklin, not Marc.)

I had thought about proposing a "junior" membership level, TenderNeck, before being promoted up to the Axis, but I'll just take the plunge and accept whatever consequences arise.

You either is or you ain't. No second class citizenship among this crew--as with the k-niggets of the Round Table, we are arrayed as equals, each willing and able to fight the idiotarian fight singly, or with combinations of several, or in a sort of round-robin fashion, or maybe more like a steel-cage match. (Despite the fact that there are several Ph.D. types among us, who make me look much more stupid than is absolutely necessary.) (And despite the fact that our Round Table is a big wire spool that I got from Alabama Power. It looks kind of rough, because it has sat outside for a while. A little paint and it'll be fine.)

I also took the liberty of perusing the sites of the other Weevilites, and I must say that they are quite a motley bunch, so that will help me even more to fit in.

You and your flattery...

Sensing that his talented brown-nosing would pay off, Mr. Velazquez also attached an acceptance letter, to be read from the balcony of the Axis of Weevil World Headquarters Building as our troops pass in review. Mr. Velazquez takes to the platform, (which we just recently bought as a kit from Home Depot) and thrusting his chestal area forward, shouts the following:

Mr. Possum, Weevilites and other distinguished guests:

Thank you for accepting me as a member of the Axis of Weevil and holding me close to your blogging bosom. In troubling times such as these, I take comfort in the fact that there are others fighting the good fight, standing up for truth in blogging, writing with conviction and passion. It is a privilege and honor, I say honor, to be included in such illustrious and eminent company. May your blogs continue to rise above the heap and make positive contributions to the blogosphere.

Respectfully Yours,
Spud(lets)[aka Marc Velazquez]

::sniff:: Makes you proud, don't it! So, by the mighty authority vested in me by The Alabama Society for Creative Computer Abuse, otherwise known as the Bloggers of Alabama, and by the State of Alabama Department of Corrections, we do hereby induct Marc Velazquez into The Axis of Weevil, with all of the powers and privileges pursuant thereto.

As Marc regains his composure, we take this moment to remind him that his world-famous Axis of Weevil Gift Pack is on its way via Bob, who had a repo car to deliver to Chapel Hill. As noted at the end of last month, the contents of the Gift Pack have been enhanced, and now include the following: Dreamland ribs; Jim Dandy grits; a gallon jug of Milo's sweet tea; a gun rack from Mark's Outdoor Sports for your pickup; a package of Bubba's Beef Jerky (according to Dr. Weevil, this is homemade and is available only at the gas station at the end of Highway 82 in Bibb County); a sixteen ounce Priester's Pecan Log; a quart of Pilateri's Steak Sauce; and a coupon for free Kool Seal for the roof of your trailer.

Bob will drop your package at the Winn-Dixie there in Asheboro.
posted by Terry at 2:20:00 PM